this post was submitted on 26 Jun 2025
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submitted 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
 
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[–] [email protected] 176 points 4 days ago (2 children)

A guy on YT actually tried it experimentally a few years ago (how many slaps, not how fast one slap); and it works to some degree! The main problem becomes to make a slapping machine that can survive long enough:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHFhnnTWMgI&pp=ygURc2xhcCBjb29rIGNoaWNrZW7SBwkJzgkBhyohjO8%3D

[–] [email protected] 62 points 4 days ago (2 children)

YouTube is truly a wonder of stupidity. Sometimes in good ways

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 3 days ago

He also did a turkey a couple years after that for "slapsgiving"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikiwW9VA9hk

[–] [email protected] 8 points 2 days ago

So has anyone who's actually cooked a chicken before done the math? Because my guy just slapped this poor bird into pure carbon. Did he mean to do 205°F? It's still too high, but it would at least be edible.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 2 days ago

In general, chicken needs to be heated to 74C or 165F for a few seconds to kill off dangerous pathogens.

Here is a list of other times and temperatures for chicken to be considered safe

[–] [email protected] 119 points 4 days ago (6 children)

Typical physicist, ignoring enthalpy of phase changes. Starting from 1C defrosted makes a huge difference from 0C as the melting takes up a ton more energy/slaps. Their underslapped chicken would give you salmonella

[–] [email protected] 25 points 3 days ago (1 children)

They haven't considered rate of slap. Significant heat transfer to environment even at 10 slaps per second.

They're also assuming sea level standard atmospheric conditions. You may need to reduce rate of slap at altitude.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Also only about half the heat goes into the chicken and the other half into the hand used for slapping

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[–] [email protected] 27 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Also completely neglecting that not all the energy in a slap will be transferred to thermal energy in the chicken.

[–] [email protected] 45 points 3 days ago

Assume a spherical chicken...

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[–] [email protected] 47 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Gotta love how everyone forgot about Newton in all this. Enjoy your instantly well-cooked hand, which is also made of meat.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 3 days ago

Double the food. Sweet!

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 days ago (1 children)

My man, if you slapped something at 32,000 miles per hour, you don't have a hand to cook anymore :P

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 days ago

That's something like mach 4.8 at sea level?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

OMG, I asked copilot to read the text and fix it to 168 degrees F.

I expected it to give me text and for it to be horrible,

what It did was so much worse and so must more impressive.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago
[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 days ago

His number are off due to the idea that chicken is cooked at 400F. Yikes!

[–] [email protected] 21 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

Yeah yeah we get it, Newton will fry your hand and pls don't cook a chicken to 205°C core temp.

BUT! What kinda physics major forgets Newton AND the fact that you won't convert kinetic energy into heat with 100% efficiency?

I know, three math majors in a trench coat, that's who'll forget it.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 days ago

This guy engineers! Real world applications experience vs math

[–] [email protected] 31 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (3 children)

As your friendly neighborhood person with knowledge about food and cooking, 2 pounds is an absurd weight for an uncooked rotisserie chicken, that is a very small and cooked weight, 4-6 pounds is going to be typical. Also, more importantly, you cannot cook something faster by increasing the temperature past a pretty quick point, meat is an excellent insulator. No slap can cook the inside of a frozen chicken unless the entire chicken disintegrates.

Tbf though, a slap at 3700 mph would absolutely disintegrate the chicken.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (6 children)

Also, if you cooked it to 400 degrees it would be disgusting. You just need to cook it to 165. This guy might know about physics but he has never cooked anything before.

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[–] [email protected] 37 points 3 days ago (8 children)

Lord have mercy on folks cooking their chicken to 400 F. Those birds will come out as dry as the sands of the Sahara.

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[–] [email protected] 58 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Bro really wanted his chicken well done at 400°F

[–] [email protected] 28 points 4 days ago (8 children)

Naw, that’s burnt.

Maillard reaction where things brown starts at 350f.

More than 165/175 in the center and that’s dried out.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 3 days ago

The mallard reaction is only relevant when cooking duck.

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago

Hi there and welcome back to another episode of Bitch Slap Kitchen, where we cook food like it owes us money. Today we're making some delicious backhand chicken.

Suspend a whole chicken in midair form some string or something, haul back, and swing at about mach 5, a little less. You're probably not going to have any intact glass anywhere in your house and you'll probably set off some car alarms in the shopping district but you'll have a table ready main course in milliseconds.

[–] observantTrapezium 36 points 3 days ago (6 children)
[–] [email protected] 21 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Common sense and physicists are common enemies

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[–] [email protected] 43 points 4 days ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 21 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (2 children)

But how do you get the chicken back from the stratosphere once you've slapped it that fast?

[–] [email protected] 19 points 3 days ago (2 children)

You start in the stratosphere and slap it down towards the Earth.

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[–] [email protected] 30 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (5 children)

The chicken has to exceed the boiling point of water for it to be cooked? Unless we’re making chicken caramels, I don’t think so.

Doing some math, I think it works out to 6,242 slaps or a single slap at 1,939 mph. Much more attainable.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (6 children)

That 205C would just be the surface temperature of the chicken, not the average. Note that the calculation doesn't take into account the volume or radius

EDIT: No, I'm wrong. The calculation is for boiling the whole chicken. Who was this written by, a Brit?

[–] [email protected] 25 points 4 days ago

Who was this written by, a Brit?

Nope. Likely an American.

When cooking, people in general like to use round numbers, like "200°C", since a difference of 5°C in oven temperature is not a big deal.

And yet they went with some oddly specific 205°C. That only makes sense if they're used to Fahrenheit, eyeballed a round value (like 400°F), converted it into Celsius (204.4°C), and then rounded it up to discard the decimal.

I'm also going to say they're completely clueless when it comes to cooking - 200°C is the oven temperature. The chicken itself reaches a far lower temperature, in the 70~80°C range. By the time the chicken reached 200°C, it's already dry and close to catching fire. (The self-ignition temperature for biological stuff is typically between 200°C and 250°C.)

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 3 days ago

Introducing the pneumatic oven range. Place the chicken in the can and press the button... No mess cooking and bone meal blending! High calcium foods!

[–] [email protected] 11 points 3 days ago (6 children)

No one's going to point out the absurd starting assumption KE=mcT??

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[–] [email protected] 19 points 4 days ago (2 children)

At this point we have to consider the ambient temperature as well, as the chicken will slightly cool between two slaps once it exceeds it

[–] [email protected] 12 points 4 days ago

I think we should put more consideration into the fact that slapping the chicken this much will dissipate a lot of energy into deforming the chicken.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 4 days ago

Assume the chicken is spherical an in vacuum.

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