Ask Lemmy

You can also get a copper IUD as an emergency contraceptive

Mom here.

Plan B: Yes …and…!

Go to the health dept/gyno and get tested. If you haven’t had an HPV vaccine you’ve also been exposed (and exposing others). HPV can cause cancer, which develops slowly with no symptoms. Make sure you get routine paps. Get on birth control, ASAP.

And yes I’d say you have things to process, being as you’re doing this knowing it will feel bad and scary later. Therapy is expensive and all, but I’d look into why you might do things to yourself that are clearly self-sabotaging.

Feel free to send a DM.

Yep, definitely a good time to take plan B. Also, the responsibility to use protection is on both partners. Being as he was sober he was in a better position to manage this and made an active choice not to. You bear the burden of what happens and dealing with it, but he gets to have fun and run away. Very uncool.

I would consider how well you could really consent and if you want people who don't care about that to be involved in your life. You, along with everyone else, deserve someone who will not take advantage of the situation to get off at your expense. Also, he should really foot at least half the bill for the plan B, without him it would not be needed and if it becomes a larger and more expensive problem it would be something he was responsible for there too. Any self respecting person should pay for their share.

To support what others have said: even precum can get you pregnant.

It's not that "pull out is a tad unreliable" - it is horrible and the failure quota is ridiculously high. And that's only pregnancy, not even considering the whole disease fun you're signing up for. With a bit of bad luck that's a lifetime of annoying medication, no a few weeks.

This means from my point of fire in order of urgency:

A) First of all: stranger, feel loved 🤗 I find it awesome that you have he courage to ask this question!

B) get plan B. It'll suck if you're reacting but that's only a week or two.

C) Review your sexual habits: if you're into spontaneous drunk sex figure out a reliable protection that you don't have to think too much about. If it's with strangers there's no way around a condom in addition if you don't want to take something for your hepathitis or HIV for the rest of your life. If it's people you know and trust then something "just" against pregnancy is enough. If it's a mix of both I suggest getting a baseline protection that you don't have to think about in the heat of the moment and condoms as preventative plan B for the cases where you're not too sure.

It sounds like a cliche but it's true: The more the dude resists protection the more you'll need it. After all it will be you who'll be alone with the consequences. You're worth more than a few fun moments for some dick!

I pop pills all the time

Plan B's It's probably safe as long as you don't make it a habit

Even then, the worst I got was reversible liver damage

I'd say go for it

Also, a less reckless piece of advice:

Is it just a matter of drinking less or is there something more underlying that I need to process?

This is the type of question, that, if you have to ask...

You probably already know the answer.

See if you can get an appointment. Their waiting lists can be months long.

Plan B can suck. But you know what sucks more? Being pregnant. It's a dangerous life altering scenario that needs to be undertaken with extreme care.

The "Pull out method" only works if you have an extremely accurate method to track your cycle and avoid sex around ovulation. This requires an app and a smart ring that tracks your temperature constantly to find the exact time of ovulation. Even this can only find it after it occurred because of the temperature spike. So only recommend as method for people who wouldn't mind being pregnant.

If this is becoming a pattern of casual sex get on birth control and get lots of condoms. Both are needed to get the full protection against pregnant and condoms are needed for STI prevention. Keep the condoms nearby your bed and require them. Really the men should also insist on condoms but you can't control them.

The pull out method is not reliable, don't gamble on it. Don't trust guys who gamble on it.

https://www.webmd.com/sex/birth-control/pull-out-withdrawal

Please use protection. If you're not prepared for the possibility of a child, take plan B now, rather than have an abortion later.

Consider contraceptive pill or an IUD, but for all random sex you really should be using a condom to protect against Sexually Transmitted Diseases.

Please practice sex responsibly. If you can't, you definitely do not have the capacity to deal with the responsibility of a child.

Preferably watch this before the next time you even think about having sex: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rO9pOJbvkEA&list=PL8dPuuaLjXtMweg6Yx9MHP01n_yUyaf9H

Take Plan B.

Drink less.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I would say take it, just to be sure. Two weeks of hormonal disruption is a lot better then 864-960 weeks of hormonal/everything else disruption. There won't be any damage caused by taking it multiple times; however, there is evidence that consistently taking hormonal birth control does change the structure of the brain. Whether those are detrimental or not, I don't know. I suggest gutting an IUD so you don't have to worry as much about these things anymore.

*Also make sure that dummy is using a condom. :<

The Effects of Hormonal Contraceptives on the Brain: A Systematic Review of Neuroimaging Studies

Disclaimer: take plan B. Use a fucking condom for Christ sake. HIV is real, you are gambling with two lives, yours and that of potential offspring in the future.

Now just for educational purposes: there are only a few days where you can actually get pregnant during the month. Open up Wikipedia, remember when your period came last and count the days. If its not even close you don't need plan B. But get to an obgyn and get a set of STD tests done.

full disclosure: I'm a man and a proud father of a girl that came to be because I relied on my wife to count correctly...

Please act responsibly and take better care if yourself. You are loved and you are worth that. Please!

Better safe than sorry. Take plan B. I can't speak on the side effects, but I at least didn't observe any when my SO took them.

Also, get tested for STD's.

The correct answer to any question of the form, "I'm facing [this risk], so should I take [this safety precaution]? is always "Yes."

When it comes to birth control if your unsure you take it. Precum has sperm and can impregnate. Weeks of side effects are preferable to years of side effects. I mean if you had unprotected sex because you drank to much and you don't actually want to have unprotected sex. Then yeah drink less or don't drink at all.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

First off, yes, take the pill immediately. The side effects are no worse than having a period and they are not compounding. It’s not ideal to use it as your first line of defense and therefore very often, but you don’t need to worry about taking it a third time (or fourth or fifth time).

Second, get yourself a hard “no sex with a new person while drunk”policy. If you find you can’t stick to that when already drunk, then yes drinking less is necessary. You can’t really properly consent when you’re not sober.

If you’re having sex that you don’t feel good about having, it might be wise to step away from the social situation that has been leading to that happening. Do you have or can you find a social group that does things that don’t involve drinking with strangers? Maybe a hobby or hiking group?

If you are drinking too much in situations where not everyone is drinking, it might be a touch of social anxiety that you are trying to self medicate away. Cognitive behavioral therapy is the best proven method for managing this. It’s not like regular talk therapy, it’s very goal oriented with practical steps to take every day and not much (if any) talking about everything bad that’s ever happened. If you can’t afford to see a therapist there are excellent self guided resources and workbooks available.

I don’t know you or your situation, only what you stated above. I’m sure there is a lot more going on than you’d care to share with anonymous strangers. But looking into both why you are drinking and what is leading to regrettable sex will be your best bet.

Go get that pill, lady.

The other comments have the question on pregnancy covered, but no one has yet addressed the root of the problem, your last question. And it's a difficult one to answer on a forum since we don't know you except for what you post. So while it may sound both cliché and passing the problem onwards, I'd say get some therapy. Not because there's anything wrong with you, but you do seem to acknowledge that you're getting into situations you don't want to be in, and don't feel great about it. Just talk therapy could help, let someone guide you to figure out the real issues that are driving you to this. Perhaps there's specialty therapy for sex-driven behavior - a therapist would know if you need something more than general aid.

Use this as a wakeup call and a motive to change, and get help in figuring out what needs to change, and why you're in the spot you're in. You aren't alone in this, you just need to ask for help.

As long as you haven't taken any emergency contraception in the last few weeks i think, you should be fine. A pharmasist should be able to give you advice on this. Yes there's a lot of hormones, but it shouldn't have any permanent effects. Seeing as the alternative would be very disrupting for you, I would suggest taking the pill to be sure. Good luck!

I agree with all the other comments: pulling out is not a birth control method, and you have a high risk of pregnancy in this situation if you don't take an emergency contraceptive.

I find myself getting into these situations. What should I be doing differently?

Carry condoms. Insist on their use the entire time a penis is in contact with your vulva. Most men, even irresponsible ones will pick sex with a condom over no sex, and someone refusing condom use when you have one available is a strong red flag.

I won't pretend to know what lifestyle choices are right for you, but condoms have a very good track record for preventing STIs and pregnancy.

No conflict. Take plan B. Pull-out is a pregnancy magnet. Like not even remotely viable.

Play safer next time. You are far too valuable for an STD or unwanted pregnancy.

in the weeks after taking it

Compared to how long 18 years takes...

I don't have advice on whether to take it or not, I just wanted to say I'm sending love and support, this is such a raw thing to be navigating 🫂

I will say, if theres any way you can talk about this with someone IRL please consider doing so and trying to create a real life support system for yourself. Whether that's friend, a therapist, family, someone nonjudgemental who you can discuss where you're at could be really helpful, especially when you're noticing an increase in risky behavior.

There is value in being able to talk things through, try to process where you find yourself and what needs the risky behavior might be filling, and why its something you do or dont want to continue. That kind of discussion and immediate support is hard to have via text posts over the internet

Sending love your way, please take care of yourself my friend

Lots of talk about plan B, but I would consider (if you have insurance) getting some pRep and Doxy in your system to prevent as many infections as possible.

I hope things get better for you, I believe in you.

Pull out is only useful for a couple that wants to have a kid or two in the near future, but wants to space them out. If your goal is a few kids, but not the 15-20 your body could produce with regular unprotected sex it is great. For everyone else it is terrible for all the reasons others have mentioned.

Take the Plan B but also take a couple STI tests in the months coming up.

American sex ed hard at work here.