Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ilaughalldaylong on 2024-01-23 14:55:33+00:00.

My elderly neighbor fell and broke her femur in late August 2023. After a week in the hospital, she was moved to rehab. It is unlikely she will ever come back home to her apartment.

I immediately started checking on her cat every day to include feeding, litter, and lots of cuddles/grooming. After about two months I told her friends I couldn't keep doing this every day. They stepped up and between four of us, we each took a day. There were some days no one could check on the cat, but missing a day here or there wasn't a big deal as long as he had food and water.

About six weeks ago I told her friends that I would not check on the cat after the end of this month (January). It has been five months since my neighbor fell and every month I'm being told, "It will be one more month." We (friends) all know she isn't coming home since she can't walk yet. We're all sick of checking on the cat and there have been conversations about rehoming him. I see his little face in the window every day and feel so bad. I truly believe the cat is depressed. He is definitely desperate for affection. I called my neighbor and informed her I won't be checking on the cat after this month. She was a little surprised and even said, "Maybe I'll have to find him a new home."

There are only a few days left in the month. The other three people who check on him sporadically don't live close to her. I am just a few steps away. AITA for refusing to check on the cat after five months?

UPDATE: I SPOKE WITH MY NEIGHBOR OVER THE PHONE TODAY. I was very blunt with her about rehoming her cat. SHE seems to think that as long as the other three people are coming to check on him, that it is ok.

I can't rehome the cat without her permission. I will contact our local shelter about 'crisis rehoming/temporary rehoming' as well as make inquiries with people I know to get the word out. I won't abandon the cat and am doing the best I can under the circumstances. My neighbor is in a nursing home for rehab on her leg and pets aren't allowed there.

Some of you have made some wonderful suggestions. Thank you for that. For those who think I am the asshole, I accept your judgment. I do, however, ask if you were in this situation, would you be willing and happy about continuing to check on a neighbor's pet for longer than five months?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/CliveZpqk on 2024-01-23 11:39:42+00:00.

My nephew(16) called me a month ago saying their cat Hazel was refusing to eat her weight management food. Vet’s orders. He told me his dad has given up on trying to get her to switch, even though she was still overweight. I told him ‘75% old food and 25% new food in the first week, 50/50 in the second week, 75% new food in the third week and 100% new food from the fourth week on.

It worked. At first my brother thought my nephew figured this out himself but then my nephew said that I told him how to do it. My brother said I should have told him this since it’s ‘embarrassing’ thinking that his son is smarter than him. I never thought that he would feel like his son is smarter just from a solution to one problem but that that’s how he felt.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Gallager1 on 2024-01-23 08:36:18+00:00.

Went out with a group for my boyfriend’s birthday. On our way back to his truck we found out it was towed. We walked into the store from the parking lot it was towed from. My boyfriend was heated and being rude to the employee so his friend took him outside. I stayed talking to the employee for information to the towing company. He replied all the information would be in the parking lot. I walked out and got the company on the phone, unfortunately we wouldn’t be able to pick up the vehicle until the next day. I looked around and to my surprise everyone had left me alone. Upset I was left alone in a place that isn’t the safest. I walked to the nearest gas station to call an Uber. My boyfriend called me but I was so upset everyone had left me I decided not to answer. Am I the asshole ?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/throwaway_786429 on 2024-01-24 06:23:57+00:00.

Background: My parents gave me a Japanese middle name. We are not Japanese. They simply heard the name in a show/movie (they can’t remember which one, I’ve asked), and since they liked the meaning and the way it sounded, it became my middle name. My whole childhood and adult life it was never an issue, until now.

A few days ago, my friend Brian invited me and a few others to his apartment for a game night. Among them was his friend Lila, who I’d only met a few times.

We were all talking and at one point, the topic of middle names came up. Someone asked about mine and I told them. Lila heard and asked if I was Japanese. When I said no she got upset saying the name is cultural appropriation and I should change it. I said I like my name and don’t want to change it. This upset her even more and she told me I’d be racist if I didn’t.

At this point one of our friends stepped in and changed the subject, but Lila was still upset and avoided me afterwards.

I‘ve always liked my name, and I’ve had it my whole life so I really don’t want to change it. Plus, it’s my middle name so it rarely ever comes up since I go by my first name. However, I am not Japanese so I can see why people would be confused or upset by it. This is the first time someone’s had such a negative reaction, and I’m having mixed feeling.

So, AITA for not wanting to change my middle name?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Aggravating_Luck924 on 2024-01-24 06:04:22+00:00.

Longtime lurker here.

I (M48) and my wife Anne (F47) live by ourselves; our kids have both moved out. I’m the breadwinner and Anne the SAHM; now she’s the housewife after our youngest moved out last year.

What’s changed is that she says she’s ‘owed’ for raising our kids and taking care of the household. She wants more personal time, less work around the house, and so I’ve basically taken over almost all the housework, cooking three meals, cleaning the house. I’m still working a full-time job, and I never slacked on chores that I did, such as the gardening, hard-lifting, etc., and I was never an absent father.

I bore with it for the past year, but she’s gotten more abusive, outright berating me in front of the kids when they visit that I’m only good for my strength and don’t think about the household at all, while she is doing less of the household work. It’s gotten to the point that I just want to relax in the car for a good solid minute because I only know there’s a long list of things to do.

Last night, she went out with her friends, while I slept early for work. This morning, I looked for the car keys for over 30 minutes, which were not in the drawer we always put them in. I woke her up to ask where she put, and she just grumbled at me to find them myself before going back to sleep. I ended up finding it in her handbag and got to work late.

I got home today to her screaming at me for invading her privacy by going through her handbag. I tried to tell her that she told me to find them myself, but she kept cutting me off saying I should have known better than to dig through her personal belongings. That she has rights, and I should respect them and to wait for her to wake before getting her to find the keys herself.

It was when she said she didn’t care if I was late to work that I lost it. Her exact line was, “It’s not like we’re needing that stupid money anymore.” I yelled back at her that she was entitled and selfish, and that the only reason she’s able to enjoy her current time is because of my stupid money. That she’s been having it far too easy the past year, and if she wanted to see what she’s owed, she can go back to either working, or doing all the chores she’s dumped on me.

Anne was shell-shocked that I yelled back at her. The rest of the night was quiet, and she locked herself in our bedroom and hasn’t come out. I’ve called our kids, and told them what happened. My daughter agrees with me, but son says that I may have been too harsh to call her entitled, and implied that I undermined her efforts all those years as a SAHM. They’re going to take turns calling Anne, but I now wonder if I may have been overboard with yelling at her about taking it too easy.

Daughter has suggested couple therapy, and said that she’s going to suggest it to Anne as well. I’m more than willing to do so, as today’s encounter made me reflect that I’m getting extremely tired and weary of this life.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/AITAH_trash_account on 2024-01-24 01:57:50+00:00.

My best friend J organizes a NYE party at his mom's house and my girlfriend K and I are invited. He tells us to come at 10PM. They host a family dinner before and some friends of J’s sister, M, are invited.

We went there with K and my friend P, and brought a bottle of vodka. At 9:45PM, J tells us to arrive later, because dinner is still going. But we’re almost there after one hour of public transport, so we still arrive at 10PM.

The dessert isn’t served, main dishes leftover are on the table, people are not eating anymore. We greet everyone and J brings some chairs for us to sit at the table. P goes to the garden for a smoke, K and I sit next to M’s friends. They serve us some wine and we talk for a bit. One of them asks if we want some of the leftover duck in front of us, I decline saying we already ate beforehand. They ask us again 4 times and I end up accepting. I tell K to try some as I know J’s mom’s Peking duck is very tasty. We each eat around 4 slices. Meanwhile, 2 of my friends arrive and smoke outside waiting for dinner to end.

Then, J’s mom sits to have a toast with M’s friend and I ask for a glass. I didn’t know but it is a premium wine a friend of M brought as a gift. I brought a bottle too, I thought it was fine.

Around 11PM some family members leave. There’re only M’s friends, our friends, two cousins and us. Our friends are sitting on the other side of the table.

One cousin is a pastry chef, he brought a handmade king cake. They cut the cake and some get a slice, including P. Two of our friends decline.

Karaoke starts, we sing for a bit. There’re still 3 slices of king cake left, I want to ask for one. I tell K, she says “I got it, follow me”. However, once next to the plate she notices she’s in front of the TV displaying the karaoke. So she proceeds to directly take the plate in front of M, brushes her without noticing, and brings it next to my friends. We sit down to eat a slice each. Just after we finish eating, M comes and says “It was for family only”. We both are feeling so ashamed. When I saw K take the plate I found it a bit strange but nothing alarming.

When I finally get to talk to J, I apologize for the king cake, he tells me smiling that K and I are stupid and we move on.

The party keeps going and ends without trouble.

2 weeks later, I get to see J (w/o K) for the first time since NYE. He tells me he never felt so ashamed to invite friends, his family saw us eating duck but his mom didn’t invite us to eat it. She was a bit angry that I asked to toast with her and M’s friends and the king cake was the cherry on top, we didn’t ask and stole it.

He says his family will laugh at him for years because of this.

He says he never wants to see K again and he’s really disappointed in me.

I apologized for the king cake but not for the duck nor the toast as I feel like neither K nor I made a mistake here.

K wants to write an apology letter along with a gift for this incident but is waiting for my approval.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/wxhaynes on 2024-01-24 05:51:41+00:00.

Last week I locked my keys and wallet in my apartment as I was heading to a holiday party I was hosting for my employees. I texted my landlord at about 5:30 asking for a spare and then got caught up in hosting and drinking at the party. As the party was ending I realized I hadn't heard back from my landlord. So I reached out to the person i'm seeing and asked if I could stay over. I've been with this person on and off for about 3 years. For the sake of this story, i'll call them my partner. They told me they were headed out but suggested I go to a KeyMe kiosk (it stores copies of your keys that print on demand) which was perfect because I had zero intention of screwing with their plans. The problem was I didn't have my wallet, but I convened with them and they really helped me out. We decided that I would get cash from an ATM, to buy a gift card, to use on the KeyMe kiosk and they asked me to update them on my progress.

I then spent about the next 3 hours walking across Manhattan. No stores would sell gift cards using google pay, the rest wouldn't sell them after 11pm, and when I finally did get one and made it to a 7/11 that was actually open, turns out the kiosk doesn't accept gift cards. So at this point, about 3am, I am nearly frozen & defeated and get on a train to head to a 24hr McDonalds. I hit my partner and ask if they're headed home, if i can stay over. They agreed and left Manhattan to meet me in Brooklyn where we both live. I stayed over, and next morning they went with me, bought my spare key and lunch the next day. They were amazing and I let them know I was infinitely grateful.

Today the situation came up (for context, it was a digression from another conflict we were already having) and they accused me of being selfish that night. They feel like me not checking in with them like we agreed meant I had no regard for what they asked me to do and that was selfish. I explained to them that I did not want to bother them or screw with their plans that night in the first place and since i was confident (at the time) that there was a finish line in view, I figured would just let them know once I had the key.

We went back and forth a bit and ultimately. I told them I completely understand their point about adhering to what we agreed on instead of doing something different regardless of my reason, and that I will be cognizant of that moving forward, but I don't agree with the assessment that I was being selfish when my intent was the very opposite. So I wouldn't concede to that label, which was upsetting to them. I argued that the substance of the point that they made was completely understood so whether or not it should be labelled as "selfish" is something that we can agree to disagree on. They do not see it this way and that further perpetuated the conflict we were already having. Am I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Sudden_Gas3919 on 2024-01-24 05:42:04+00:00.

I (25 M) have an older brother (33M) who left the family for love 6 years ago. So to make a long story short my older brother who was my best friend fell in love with someone while he was in college. My parents did not approve due to difference in culture and religion, at the time I had no idea what was going on but was told by him and my parents they just had a disagreement and they made up and he stopped seeing this woman.

Come to find out that he lied to everyone and in fact was still seeing this person and not only that but while my parents fully supported him in grad school with a new apartment he was asking for more money for "expenses" but really was just paying for her and what she wanted.

My parents had hoped that when he graduated school and found a job he would be able to help the family. But instead the day after his graduation he sends and email to my parents saying he wants to go no contact unless they support him marrying this woman and sends me a private text basically saying that whatever my parents said about him leaving the family for this woman are true.

I became very upset that he would do this to my parent after all the support they gave him both financially and emotionally. At the time I told my parents go no contact and cut off any remaining finical support.

He later texted me trying to get me to be on his side saying he will always be available if I ever needed him. When I told him that I would not talk to him until he talked to my parents he stated that my parents are not who they seem and claimed they threatened him harm if he stayed with that woman back in college. I refused to believe him as these where the same parents that where willing to sell our house and business to help support his dream of getting into graduate school. He also stated he couldn't believe our parents cut him off without telling him as he was late on a few of his car and apartment payments almost getting him kicked out.

When I told him it was me that convinced our parents to cut him off until he talked to them he went no contact with me for a few years. He did try a few times to contact me but i shut him down saying until he talks to my parents I wouldn't talk to him. I never told him that I knew that when my uncle went to go visit it to try and mediate a talk he refused to see him and called the police for harassment. My uncle was told by the police to leave the state and take a flight back home which he did the same night.

Everything was still the same until my dad told me my brother got in contact with him a few weeks ago. It started off by talking about football and then his family life as apparently I am now an uncle. My dad asked me to keep a dialogue this time if my brother contacts me but I told him I did not want to and I don't see him as a brother anymore after how he hurt the family and me. He asked me to do it for him and I said I would but deep down I don't think I will. So AITA for not wanting to talk to my brother?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Haunting_Paint_6120 on 2024-01-24 05:41:39+00:00.

Okay so I 17f am taking an agriculture class, where 90% of kids who take this class are just looking for an easy science credit. so say the least I’ve encountered some pretty interesting people. One let’s call Lexi for privacy reasons, Lexi constantly comes to class, absolutely stoned. There is never a day where she’ll come to class sober.

So I think y’all can imagine the type of person she is and how terrible she is to work with. Off-topic but in the certain class we have the thing called animal care we get paired up with another person to take care of a certain animal. Such as, bathing that animal, feeding the animal, or just doing cage cleans.

I think you could tell where this is going. I ended up getting partnered up with her, the entire time she was leaving to talk to her friends (she’s the popular type) or making a fool out of herself. There was even a point where she mishandled one of the animals we were doing animal care with because she was clearly intoxicated.

I’ve tried reporting her multiple times, to where nothing ever happens. Honestly last Friday is where I was at my breaking point. She not only came to class stupid high, but also drunk. To the point where she couldn’t stand up straight. And I was left to do all the work. I literally had to leave class later to finish up because she literally couldn’t do anything.

So that following Monday I refused to work with her in front of her, I explained to my teacher, everything that was going on to where I was yelled at for bullying? How in any way shape or form was I bullying her by not wanting to work with her? anyways, I really been looking back on the situation and thinking maybe I could’ve handled it differently because of the gravity of the situation. So I came here

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Noodle_111 on 2024-01-24 05:36:04+00:00.

Once kiddo was (finally) asleep, I came downstairs for a snack. We have an open kitchen/family room, hubby was scrolling on his phone in the family room. I left him be, just asked if we had more cucumber and then went to the fridge. He started complaining that I have an uncanny ability to go wherever he is, that he just came downstairs and why would I choose now to come downstairs too (I didn’t know he was downstairs, thought maybe he had gone for a walk), he told me he doesn’t want to be bothered by a “bunch of noise” and walked upstairs and into the guest room, closing the door. Today it was me cutting a cucumber, other days he’s had issues with the crunching of bags/making popcorn in his vicinity etc, especially if he’s watching tv, which fair enough…

This is a running theme with him, being frustrated or feeling “followed around” when I’m in common areas that he was in first. Unfortunately we only have one kitchen, and I generally wait until it’s totally safe (ie kiddo is finally asleep) to go into said kitchen for a snack. I’m sort of left feeling like my mere existence drives my husband nuts/irritates him, which sucks… So, AITA for not being more considerate when he’s in an area of our house? Like should I be asking if he minds me making a snack?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ThrowRAbackil on 2024-01-24 05:31:35+00:00.

Our daughter is 17, and she's very overweight, possibly obese. I don't know what she weighs, I can only go off what I see. What I see if my daughter gets winded quite easily, doesn't move around much, and has an issue over-eating. I will say that that's our fault for bringing that kind of food into the house and assuming it'd be eaten in moderation.

Where my wife and I split is about how concerned we need to be about our daughter's health as this weight issue has picked up.I'm at a point where again, I kick myself for ever being lax on junk food being in the house and dropping the ball, not getting in front of this issue sooner, but, I'm very frustrated that my wife sees it as a non-issue, has an excuse for everything.

I've tried talking to my daughter about my concerns. What she does is roll her eyes and tell me that mom says she doesn't have to discuss it if she doesn't want to.

Our daughter came home yesterday and told us that one of her uniform pants for school almost doesn't button. She blamed it on the dryer. My wife backed her up. Last night, I told my wife she needs to get her head out of the sand here and just admit that the pants issue is a perfect example of what I'm talking about. It's not a dryer issue, she's just outright getting too big and is exactly why we need to have a family discussion about our daughter's health. My wife says she " refuses that premise"

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/InevitableFeedback44 on 2024-01-24 05:26:19+00:00.

recently, I havent been picking up calls, responding to texts fr, or just linking up. its a place I been before, a part of me does not want to lose friends because of this, another part of me feels like I dont have whatever to give, dont have the desire to listen, it feels a bit selfish. idk how much i have been before. I know some of my friends have been going through shit, and I think im the friend that listens to my friends.

am I wrong? im just tired, adulting, the fear of war, pursuing art, family, a relationship, a job, plus bouta go back to school. a mf type tide.

not to be an asshole but daniel caesar, once said. i dont feel like talking if its not about me or philosophy, and to an extent I feel that. im tryna make this shit pop.

I deeply dont want to lose anybody. I deeply feel guilt for not being there for everyone, but its not to be rude or dissmissive, there just so many folks I love and I think want time to chat wit me, and sometimes, but recently a lot of the time I just want to do my thing, life already requires me to do things I do not want to do.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Ozzpawz on 2024-01-24 05:23:17+00:00.

I'm still processing everything that's going on in this situation, and the only person I've really gotten advice and council from is my mom and my boyfriend, so i wanted to ask some unbiased perspectives on what they thought and if I was in the wrong.

I'm still in school, and recently a letter arrived in the mail at my mom's house (my parents are long divorced, and my mom is the dominant address, meaning all school related mail is delivered to her), indicating that i was selected for a class award. I was excited, it's not often that I get academic achievement, I'm not one of those people that put my all into school anymore, but I commend those that do. In the letter parents were invited to come to the school that next Tuesday, which was yesterday.

Here's where the problem comes in, when I came back to my dad's house and told my dad and stepmom about the award they were happy for me, and proud, which really made my day, my relationships are more complicated over there thanks to factors like my mental health and the fact that I'm queer (ftm AND gay). I mentioned that there was something happening on tuesday, and when neither of them inquired further, i dropped it. Im not one to seek public attention, and i genuinely didn't think it was that big of a deal. I didn't think either of them would come anyways, my dad has always showed his disdain for school functions and i can't remember one time my stepmom even WENT to one since maybe elementary school and that's being generous. Another reason I don't think it was a big deal to drop it is that my dad would have heard my preffered name being called, and it just wouldn't have been a good time for anyone.

The ceremony was yesterday by the time i post this, and it really WASNT a big deal, my aunt ended up being there for my cousin and sent my dad a picture of us from my mom, and later on my mom sent him a video, which i expressed frustration about, because he soon after texted me that I guess him and my stepmom just weren't invited and insinuated i purposefully left them out of it. I told him that I specifically remembered mentioning Tuesday and he shut me down and just told me "no".

I have to see him tomorrow, and I'm beyond anxious about this. Aita?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Key_Jeweler7988 on 2024-01-24 05:21:38+00:00.

I(15F) have 3 friends: Sally(14F), Lily (14F), and Riley(15F). 2 of my friends (Sally and Lily) got into an argument. I was on Sally's side. This caused me and Lily to also get into an argument. Lily claimed that it was my fault and that I hurt her feelings. I then started to ignore her. I don't think I am the asshole since I had my reasons to ignore her and to be on Sally's side.

Sally has been in a situation ship with a boy named Bob. During this, she gained feelings for him. But later, he decided to end things. He lied to her about why he wanted to end it. This hurt Sally a lot since she knew he was lying. Thankfully, they fixed things and decided to stay as friends. After that, more things happened, which caused their friendship to get more awkward.

One of our friends, Lily, decided to take things into her own hands. She asked Sally if she could send Bob a few messages. Sally said no, but Lily kept on insisting. I also told her not to do it. She did it anyway. The messages she sent him were like, "You're a bitch" and "Stay away from Sally," This made Bob think that Sally was talking behind his back, so he cut off all contact with her. This made Sally even more upset. She got mad at Lily and blamed it all on her. After that, I told Lily to apologize to Sally, and she said she will.

Then 2 weeks later, when Sally and I were ranting to each other, she told me about how Lily didn't apologize. So, I went to talk to Lily the next day. I asked her if she apologized and she said she did. Then she talked about how it was all Sally's fault. When we were talking about it, the bell rang, so we had to go home. I decided to text Riley asking about it, and then she told me that Lily did apologize, but it wasn't genuine. I then asked Sally, and she said the same thing that Riley did.

I texted Lily asking if her apology was genuine, and she said it was. I knew she was lying because of what Riley and Sally said. I told her that Sally felt like the apology wasn't genuine, so she should try again. Lily got mad at me, and she asked why she should apologize first.

I decided to text Sally instead, asking if she could talk to Lily. She said the same thing that Lily did. I started to get upset since they won't listen to my advice.

As I continued to text them, I got annoyed to the point where I snapped. I started cursing at them. I then calmed down. Then I texted both of them and I apologized for snapping at them. Sally forgave me, and she also apologized for bringing me into this mess. But Lily didn't care about my apology. She got even more mad at me. I asked Riley for advice, and she told me to leave her alone, so I did. Later Lily texted me something about school. I was still upset, so I didn't respond. Then, she went to shit-talk me in a different gc. She then texted me saying how I hurt her. I didn't respond since I knew she was trying to guilt trip me into thinking it was my fault. It's the next day and we aren't talking. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/sushiee1 on 2024-01-24 05:20:17+00:00.

My mother recently got a puppy that is only 8 to 9 weeks old. Puppy’s are a lot of work to take care of, especially when it was only my mother who was taking care of the puppy (other than myself). During the busiest time of the year for my mother’s job, she was stressed and was aggravated by the puppy doing normal crazy puppy things. She’s upset and was sarcastically stating that she doesn’t want the puppy, to get her boyfriend to step in and help her out. [A little information: he hasn’t help a single bit in taking care of the puppy]. A couple days go by and i come home to an empty kennel and no puppy. Concerned i asked my mothers bf where he puppy was and he said he’s gone…. Im though he was joking till he made me move the kennel out of the house. He likes to play sick jokes and make it seem like he’s teaching an important lesson. He had proceeded to give a $1,800 puppy for FREE to a random woman, without my mother’s consent and without informing my mother until he gave the puppy away. My mother was in disbelief and so am I. My mother loved that dog with all her heart and both her and the puppy bonded very quickly, he would follow her around all the time and wanted her to hold him.. He was the perfect match for my mother and that was taken away from her by an asshole who thinks he can teach a lesson to my mother. So now I have contacted a law firm and explain this whole situation. Am I the asshole for doing that? The bf does not know i have contacted a law firm and will probably post an update on what happens next. Though i am unsure of what i should do in finding the woman who has the puppy now..

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/badgerdouglas on 2024-01-24 04:54:55+00:00.

Our master bathroom does not have a door. The toilet room has a door but the shower and vanity can be seen from certain spots in the bedroom. While my partner was downstairs, I closed the door to take a private moment to check out an area of my body by the in the bathroom area. I heard our bedroom door open and before he walked into view of me I shouted, “Please give me 5 minutes of privacy!”

He said “okay, let me grab my laptop.” He then proceeded to walk into clear view of me, looked over at me, grabbed the laptop, and left the room. When I confronted him about it, he had no clue why it was wrong and said he gave me privacy after he grabbed his laptop and that I should have asked for privacy before needing it or been more clear with what I needed when he walked in. To me, my ask seemed pretty clear.

AITA for bringing it up? Is there a way I could have asked clearer?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Fast-Lobster357 on 2024-01-24 04:53:10+00:00.

My boyfriend and I are going to be celebrating our 5 year anniversary in February. We are both in college and work 2-3 shifts a week. I’ve been telling my boyfriend how much I’d love to go to this nice steakhouse for our anniversary. It is on the more expensive side ($50 entrees) but with it being a milestone anniversary, I thought this would be a special treat. (Side note, I’ve also been driving him around for the past two years, since he doesn’t have a car and I do. He doesn’t want to pay for gas, so I thought he would be more willing to spend a little extra on our special dinner haha. He also never pays for my food if we get something quick to eat, which is fine, but another reason I thought he would splurge a little for our anniversary.) My boyfriend is paying off college, but he also buys clothes or other non essential items frequently, so it’s not like he has no extra spending money. He told me he doesn’t think he would be able to take me there. He said since my birthday is also in the same month, he won’t have the extra money and how he is a broke college student. I feel slightly selfish for wanting to go to a more expensive place, but we never go out to eat at restaurants, and have never gone to a “fancy” place before. His mom also gave him $50 for something else that he never ended up buying, so I thought he could possibly use that money for the dinner, but he still doesn’t want to. I also offered to tip, which I am cool with. He just keeps saying I have to understand he is broke, but in my mind it makes me feel a little unappreciated. I never expect him to give or buy me anything on a regular basis, so it’s just a little frustrating. Anyways, any opinions? I am super appreciative he even takes me to dinner, but am having a hard time knowing that if I was in his shoes, I would take me there ahaha. Thanks!

EDIT: I should’ve specified. I am lucky enough to not have to pay for gas, my parents are very kind and pay for my tank most of the time since I use it to drive to classes and such. There was one point where I thought I was going to have to start paying, so I told my boyfriend it would be nice if he could chip in $10-$15 every tank. ( A lot of my driving is to see him). He told me that he probably wouldn’t be able to and that I was putting him in a weird position. Sorry, I should’ve clarified I am not technically paying for gas, but I just thought he would be more appreciative of the “free rides” since he doesn’t have to pay either.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/knightsrook6 on 2024-01-24 04:49:06+00:00.

I’ve (31M) had this friend (31M) for about 20 years. A few months ago, he asked me to be his groomsman in his wedding in a few months, along with 5 other of his friends.

For the first 10-15 years of our friendship, we were very close. Same school, studied the same things, same uni, almost identical career path, hung out a lot, went on trips, etc.

For the last 2-3 years, our friendship has been the opposite. We hang out 3-4 times a year, usually when I initiate, and text every once in a while. This is in stark contrast to the other groomsman and other friends, who he sees a lot more regularly.

I do admit our friendship has been up and down for a few years, but over the last few months I’ve tried to improve it. Asked him and his fiancée to go to an escape room, invited him to lunch, watch football games, etc. he has very rarely initiated and text me up to do something.

I’m at the point where I don’t really feel close to him anymore. We’re certainly not at “groomsman” level , particularly in contrast with his other friends. AITAH if I tell him I’d like to attend as a guest? I feel like he’s just inviting me as I’m a “legacy” friend at this point, and it kinda feels shitty.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Adventurous-Move-377 on 2024-01-24 04:44:06+00:00.

Me and my wife decided to raise our kids in a way that no matter if they were cis straight or LGBTQ theyd always knew we were supportive. Just doing things like never using gendered prounnouns about possible partners or crsuhes and things like that. Our youngest "Mati" (14M) we've kinda figured isnt straight. While he does have a good number of guy friends and will play sports hes also pretty gender non conforming sometimes. You know alot of his friends are girls and he likes to paint his nails and will wear a skirt or eyeliner every now and then. And on weekends visits to the rez to visit his moms family he and another boy he plays basketball with there have gotten pretty "close" like blushing when around eachother close. And being super exicited to "visit his grandparents and cousins" every weekend for the last month or so.

My parents are kinda old school. The oh my 3 yr old looked at a girl once so he must have a crush and we'll be a realy lady killer someday type. My parents are always asking him when he's going to ask one of femal friends out or which one of his "girl friends" is his girlfriend and stuff like that. He's pretty shy and usually just kinda quietly ignores them and chages the subject. But lately he's seemed way more uncomfortable with it. I asked him about it and he told me and his mom thatd he wished his grandparents would stop asking him stuff about that.

My parents were over a few days ago and I took the opportunity to talk to them about what Mati said. They of course got offended and went on about how he needs to stop being so shy and to just get out there and ask one of his friends out. I tried to explain that wasnt the point and that we dont even know of he likes girls because he hasnt said. They start going on about how me and my wife are making him " like that" and I lost my temper. A few choice words were said and it turned into a full blow argument till they went home. I've been getting calls from family saying how I blew normal banter way out of proportion and shouldve just let it go. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ClimateSwimming4884 on 2024-01-24 04:41:53+00:00.

We have 2 children, 17F and 14M. Since we are Mexican, we have the tradition of a quinceañera, which is a girl's 15th birthday party, at which she officially becomes a young woman.

2 years ago, when our daughter turned 15, she decided she didn't want a traditional quinceañera party, which can be big and lavish. Instead she wanted something more low-key. Rather than having a party at a venue, she wanted to have a party with her friends. So her and 5 of her friends went to Disneyland, we paid for their tickets and hotel and dinner, and it only came out to less than what a traditional quinceañera party would have cost. So all was good.

Now my son is turning 15 and wants to do the same thing. I explained to him that only girls get a quinceañera, and he can't have one just because his sister got one. He is complaining that this isn't fair. I told him that it's a cultural tradition and doesn't have to be fair, and women face a lot of discrimination in Mexican culture so this is one thing that they can look forward to. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/grimeuwu on 2024-01-24 03:31:00+00:00.

I (27 F) and my partner (32 M) will be welcoming our son sometime in May. I’ve chosen to have a natural birth at a birthing center rather than in a hospital setting and have been learning a lot about physiological birth in preparation for that. My partner and I are on the same page for literally everything that has to do with the birth, but can’t agree on this one thing. I don’t want to tell his mom when I’m in labor, but rather call her and let her know after our son is born. They live 1.5 hours away from us and are prepared to drop everything and come here when it is time. I do, however, want to tell MY mom when I’m in labor, to potentially have her waiting in the waiting room in case I decided I want her support. My mom lives in a different state (12 hour drive, 1.5 by plane) and it would likely be more difficult for her to get to me. My partner thinks this is unfair as he is also “going through a big thing” and doesn’t understand why I wouldn’t want his mom there but would want mine. I told him I’m going through a huge physically traumatic event and might just want to hold my mom’s hand during it. I’m also worried about being distracted during my labor knowing his mom is in the waiting room, presumably waiting on updates for who knows how long (labor takes time!!!). My partner now thinks I hate his mom. AITA?

*Editing to add: We are only staying at the birth center for 6 hours after my son is born, and then we will be bringing him home. I planned on telling his parents as soon as our son is born and we know he is healthy, so they can come to our house and wait for us to bring him home. They will be the first people to meet him outside of my own mother.

**Second edit to add: His mom has been trying to make my pregnancy about her since we told her (mad about our circumcision choice, upset about my birth plan, upset about the name we chose, who I’m inviting to our shower) and I’m nervous that she will also try to take control of my birth experience as well.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/WestVast9127 on 2024-01-24 01:25:04+00:00.

I (24f) & my boyfriend (23m) moved into our first apartment about a year ago after living with his dad for awhile. We were so excited to have a home that was officially ours, even if it was just a small 2 bedroom apartment. One thing we both agreed on was any visitors giving us a visit would also need to give us a heads up. We're not big on people showing up unexpectedly, this is our home & we would like our privacy, which I think is understandable. Everyone has been respectful of this boundary...minus my boyfriends grandmother. She knows of our request about calling before showing up. But she acts like that boundary does not apply to her. She shows up unannounced, even as late as midnight with no warning. This has happened MULTIPLE times, no matter how many times we ask her not to. Fast forward a few weeks after she's done this numerous times, and I finally had enough. I told my boyfriend that any time she now shows up with no heads up, I will not be answering the door. (This applies to anyone showing up unannounced. She's just the only person who actually does.) She will just have to stand out there until she gets tired of knocking & leaves. He agreed this was the only way we could get it through her head. Side note, I don't mind her coming over. She's allowed to visit, as long as we have that heads up. But this has been going on for almost a year. Even after we told her we won't let her in if she shows up unannounced, that doesn't stop her from continuing to do it. I'm sure she thinks we'll cave, but so far we have not. I won't give in & reward her for disrespecting boundaries. We've been called rude & assholes for doing this, but I don't think I'm wrong for asking for a notice before someone shows up to our home, our safe space. All I asked was for my boundaries to be respected, and she can't do that, so now she has to suffer the consequences.

So reddit, AITA?

*ETA: I see a lot of comments asking if she has dementia or has been evaluated, so I'd just like to post here: her 2 sons have had her evaluated. Dr's believe nothing is wrong, there's no signs of dementia and claim there is nothing to be worried about. She is a very intrusive human being. Bf's family claims that's "just how she is" & I "signed up for it when I joined the family." Thats how the always excuse her behavior...I wish I could say this is the worst of it

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Tough-Ground6898 on 2024-01-24 00:52:55+00:00.

I 16M and my younger siblings 14F and 6M found out we would be moving to France for my dad’s job. They didn’t tell us about it until after dad had accepted the job and they had spoken to a realestate agent about selling the house.

My sister automatically started crying and saying that she didn’t want to leave her school and friends and I was against the move as I only had 2 years and finishing that at a school where I didn’t even speak the language would have been so difficult. My little brother kept on asking if he could bring his best friend and got very unhappy when he realised he would have to leave his friend behind.

Nobody in the house could speak French and my mum didn’t even know what she was going to do over there. My sister had moved schools from the one she started at due to bullying and had finally made a group of friends for the first time, and my little brother and his bff can’t seem to function without each other. I didn’t want to leave all my family behind as well. I had also been looking at unis here and had been talking to the guidance counsellor about what my future holds so moving would have just made that whole thing 10 times more difficult.

We got super lucky and my family told them how much it would harm the kids to take them away from environments they are familiar with, and to take them away from family and friends. My dad ended up asking for a his original job back and we stayed here.

My parents made it very known about how disappointed they were that we didn’t jump on this amazing opportunity, and mum would mention how annoying it was that she was not in France.

After that me and my sister had a very tence relationship with our parents and I moved out at 18 to go to uni.

Mum sent me a Facebook message yesterday saying she is hurt that I am not as close with her as I use to be, but when I explained that she didn’t think about us when she almost moved us away from everything we knew she told me I was hurting her feelings and hasn’t said anything since.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/bellboy718 on 2024-01-23 23:09:22+00:00.

2 days before Xmas I (52) took my gf (58) to pick out a piece of jewelry. I had a limit of around 500-600 tops because I have nieces and nephews and my own kids. Keep in mind she had the option of a $500 cash gift. She is really hard to buy for and returns everything I buy so I let her decide what she wanted knowing my budget and she decided she wanted pearl earrings. At the store she picked out ring with small diamonds. For almost $800. A few days later she decides she doesn't like it so we go back and got a refund which was mailed to me in the form of a check. She is expecting that I give her the amount of the check in cash. I said I would buy her another gift or give her $600 back since that is more than I planned in the first place. Am I the asshole for offering her less than the refund?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Tall-Bread-2358 on 2024-01-23 22:49:05+00:00.

My husband and I recently got married and I felt that my SIL tried to make our special day about her kids.

I proposed to my SIL's kids if they could be our flower girls for the special day. The kids were so excited and said yes! Everything seemed to go according to plan until two months before the wedding when my SIL asked me if the kids should have two dresses for two entrances (wedding ceremony & dinner reception). I told my SIL that the kids will only have one entrance, as our flower girls, during my wedding ceremony. My SIL looked upset and said "they MUST walk during the dinner reception too." Note that my wedding ceremony and dinner reception was at the same location and the wedding aisle was long (85ft long) so it takes some time to get from one end to the other (especially for kids).

I am not the confrontational type, so I asked my husband to tell his sister that her daughters will only walk down the aisle once. My husband agreed and told his sister. My SIL disapproved and said to my husband that he is the kids' only beloved uncle and that her daughters will never get a chance to be flower girls again.

I thought everything was sorted out... until the big day. The wedding ceremony went as should and the flower girls were so beautiful; however, when the dinner reception time came and my husband and my entrance to the dinner reception was about to happen, the SIL inserted her kids in front of us with fresh baskets of rose petals. The SIL never told me nor my husband about this entrance.

I was blindsided. Turns out that my SIL went behind my back and told my MOH to tell the wedding MC (emcee) to announce the flower girls first to the dinner reception. The flower girls entered the dinner reception laying out a fresh set of rose petals down the aisle once more. While I was surprised, I was not angry (nor sad) because it was a special day and I did not want to let bad emotions ruin the day. I was also going to let the MC introduce and thank the flower girls during the reception anyways, so I did not mind.

This quickly changed when my SIL planned a surprise dance by the daughters in the middle of dinner as a gift to us. The MC once again announced the flower girls and they started dancing down the aisle onto the main stage again. So, all in all the kids "walked" down the aisle not once, not twice, but three times! My husband and I were supposed to have our first dance during this time, but instead her daughters danced on the stage, while my husband and I had our first dance on the side...

After the wedding I told my husband how upset I was at his sister and said she was trying to make the day about her kids. I confronted my SIL about this, but she shrugged it off and said that they were just kids and I am being a bridezilla/an a-hole. Instead my husband apologized on her behalf, which angered me more since it was not his fault.

AITA for confronting my SIL that she was trying to make our wedding a showcase for her kids?