Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/No-Willingness1398 on 2024-01-19 00:31:03+00:00.

Hello AITA community, I'm in a bit of a dilemma and could really use some outside perspective. My fiancé and I usually don't have major disagreements, but this incident has left us both upset and I'm not sure if I was in the wrong.For as long as I've known him, my fiancé has had this pair of boots. They're old, really old. He's had them for ages and wears them everywhere – and I mean everywhere, from hiking trails to formal events. I've always found it a bit odd, especially at events where everyone else is dressed up or at least shows some kind of thoughtfulness to their appearance. He insists that they're high-quality boots, the kind that can be rebuilt over and over, and he's quite attached to them. He often talks about how much money he spent on them years ago and how they're meant to look aged and rugged.

The thing is, to me, they just look... terrible. They're scuffed, discolored, and honestly a bit embarrassing in certain settings. So, I made a decision that I thought would be a nice surprise. I threw out the old boots and bought him a new pair, a sleek and stylish one that I thought would be more appropriate for a range of occasions. Mind you, he's only mentioned this once about the quality and how he can essentially re-use them or something like that. But he's also very frugal so I thought he just felt guilty spending which is why I decided to just step in and help him out.

Well, the surprise didn't go as planned. When he found out, he was livid. He said that those old boots were special to him, that they looked as they should, etc. He accused me of not understanding the worth of well-made, lasting items. He's also quite upset about the new boots I bought, calling them "cheap looking mall boots" and saying they're nowhere near the quality of his old ones. I also accused him of not reading the room and noticing when his shoes are CLEARLY not appropriate and standout in the worst way possible.

I feel terrible. I genuinely thought I was doing something nice for him, updating his wardrobe a bit and saving him the embarrassment of wearing those rugged old boots to nice places. But now I wonder if I've completely disregarded his feelings and attachment to those boots.

So, AITA here? Was I wrong to throw away his old crusty boots and replace them with something I thought was better? I thought I was being thoughtful, but his reaction has made me doubt my actions.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/redditrabbitruns on 2024-01-19 00:29:39+00:00.

I (25 f) was asked to go on a family trip with my mom (55 f), aunt S(58 f), cousin K(32 f), other cousin A (37 f), with cousin A’s two girls (14 f and 12 f) and their friend M (14 f). Cousin K would also be bringing her daughter (4 f).

Cousin A brought up the idea of a family girl’s trip and we all agreed that we wanted to go. Destination wasn’t set in stone, but was looking around Seaside, FL and along the gulf coast. Open to cheaper places, like Gulf Shores, AL.

My cousin A found a place that would accommodate all 9 of us for a week that had multiple beds and bathrooms. She then shared via text that the total was $2200. I texted back saying that $250/person would not be bad at all. She then replied and said that only adults would be the ones paying, meaning that we would be paying almost $450/person.

She then shared that she could not pay $250/person because that would mean she would be paying $1,000 for her, both of her daughters, and her daughters friend.

I texted back saying that if we split it like that, I’ll just have to sit this trip out and left it at that.

I cannot afford to pay for other’s kids/guests. AITA for speaking up and not agreeing to pay double for 4 more people to go?

Side note - Cousin K was fine with paying for her child’s part.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/TruckAndTruffle on 2024-01-19 00:16:26+00:00.

I (21f) currently share a house with my stepmom and half sister Carrie (11f). My dad passed a couple years ago and he left the house to both me and my sister so since my college is under an hour drive away I live at home. My stepmom and I split the bills 50/50 but buy our own groceries.

My stepmom has been in my life since I was 8 (my mom passed when I was 3). She is OK but rather old-fashioned. She is very strict on how boys and girls shouldn’t be too close (no, she is not religious; this is more of her personal values). Carrie is very sheltered and has never been to any sleepover when there was a boy involved or participated in any traditionally boy-dominated activity. All her life Carrie’s doctor has been one of her female distant cousins on my stepmom’s side as my stepmom feels uneasy with her daughter having a male doctor.

Carrie’s a sweet kid and although we’re not close because of our age gap we do love each other. My stepmom, fortunately, has never tried to restrict what I do. My mom’s family is very liberal and are active in my life.

I have a boyfriend Matt (25m) who’s in med school. Several days ago my stepmom asked me to watch Carrie while she visited a friend and I said OK. My boyfriend on his rare down time stopped by to hang out and we just chilled and had snacks in the living room.

Carrie came to us and asked to talk about her period. I asked her if she would like to only talk to me but she said she didn’t mind. I then explained all I knew but when she asked the more medical info I kinda turned to Matt and he stepped in and helped. Carrie actually asked a lot of questions that required Matt’s med school knowledge like hormones, how they will affect her growth, what symptoms she should watch out for, those kinds of things. She even asked about birth controls and STDs and again Matt really helped with the explanation. We searched for videos on the internet to help explain a few issues as well. In all, Matt and I thought it was an excellent afternoon. Carrie was more informed and confident by the end of it.

Later, my stepmom learned that Matt gave Carrie “the talk” and she blew up. She said she didn’t doubt Matt’s knowledge but it was wildly inappropriate for me to let Carrie talk about this topic with a man when I know how she felt. She said a man, no matter his credentials, doesn’t deserve to know her daughter’s most private info like that. She said she planned to have Carrie’s doctor give her the talk anyway. I said it was fine and I was also there but she simply said she’s Carrie’s mother and next time I plan to do something like this I need to inform her first and she will decide if Carrie can take part in it or not.

I mean, she IS Carrie’s mother so I wonder if I overstepped and should have told Carrie to wait to ask her mom instead? AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/blondexbombshell7 on 2024-01-18 20:28:13+00:00.

I (25F) just graduated from medical school recently after years of hard work. My parents threw me a big graduation party at their house to celebrate this huge milestone.

My older brother "Matt" (28M) and his girlfriend of 3 years came to the party. During the party, Matt pulled me aside and asked if he could use the opportunity to announce his engagement to his girlfriend in front of the whole family.

I felt bad, but I told Matt "I'm sorry, but I have to say no. This is my graduation party to celebrate the culmination of years of work and I don’t want the focus shifted."

It's a beautiful thing and of course the rest of the party people would be all about him and his (soon-to-be) Fiancé.. I don't think its fair to do it on my celebration.

Anybody who goes through medical school knows how exhausting this is. The past months I literally just worked and studied around the clock. I had countless breakdowns and tears and Matt knows that.

He got really upset and accused me of stealing his thunder over jealousy.

I held firm that this was my day and it would be tacky for Matt to turn it into his engagement party. I am really happy for them and I am super proud of him too.

He ended up storming out with his girlfriend.

I gotta say that we usually have a great relationship and he is not like that. Thats why I am so confused.

I try to see it from his perspective. I guess he had such a strong reaction because it's very important for him and he is not fully himself. Its a big step, I get it.

I am not sure. I don't think it was unreasonable to want to keep the spotlight on my accomplishment for this one day without Matt hijacking it for his news. But my brother says I'm just bitter and controlling.

Am I the asshole here?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/GlobalDiscussion6771 on 2024-01-18 20:08:58+00:00.

I might look like a big groomzilla but let me explain.

I(34M) work in fashion industry and so does my fiancé(34M). Both of us have poured our hearts into our jobs since we have met in the university and we have created our own fashion line company and I have to admit 80% of our lives were about our company, our passion-child until 2023. At 2023,we were able to be more of the masterminds and let the other people handle the stuff like organising fashion shows,opening the stores etc. Due to this we didn't even think about getting married for the 15 years we were together until last June and our relationships with our families were limited. My fiancés family understand where we are coming from because they all have amazing careers and it took them time and effort to achieve that while my family prioritized spending time together. I wasn't built for that to be fair but I always tried to play the game. I attended their weddings,tried to go to the family Christmases because my fiancés family never did and attended the funerals.

Since 2023,we started to spend more time with my family and actually had somewhat a positive relationship with them especially after our engagement. We have been to family brunches, vacations and other stuff. We even have babysitten my nieces and nephews which is a huge thing for us. We don't like children,like at all.

The problem is,our wedding will be a big event that multiple executors and fashion designers will attend. It won't be a family thing. We have to call these people and they will be there to judge us so we have decided to organize our wedding in a theme and we wanted everyone to wear the specific clothing we have made for them. My fiancés family were really cool with idea but my family refused it. They also said they have wanted us to have a more private wedding with our in-laws and close friends because weddings should ve about family.They also didn't like I have made it +18. I disagreed with them and told about the examples of how people usd the weddings as companionship and business opportunities.

To be honest neither me nor my fiancé would have continued our relationship and thought about marriage if we weren't business partners. The sex,time spent together outside work is also good but the best time I have with him is when he has a crazy idea and we are trying to make it work in the studio,working endlessly on that idea to make it a reality. After we have argued on these themes days and days, we said "Fine then,we don't want you at our wedding at all costs." and we have banned them from attending to the wedding. My fiancés parents understand where we are coming from but his siblings say we are being too cruel on them and we might elope with them present and make a huge party for the industry a different time instead. We think we should make the ceremony really public so people would understand our bond won't be broken,neither in our love life nor at our work. AITA?

INFO: I can't give more details but the theme is "Steampunk Bourgeoisie."

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Hot-Measurement-8218 on 2024-01-18 19:07:34+00:00.

The long and very short of it, is my sister recently got diagnosed with HIV. As far as I’m aware, this is from a hookup that she no longer has access to and was from a consensual encounter.

She came to me on Sunday, cried about the results and while I responded with sympathy, my reaction wasn’t severe. I asked if she still had valid insurance and she said yes, so I said she’d be fine and that the worst of it is over then.

She called me heartless and said I had no idea how ruined her life is. I kind of shrugged at her and said she just needed to adhere to treatment and she’d be fine. Again, this set her off and she called me an evil bitch because I didn’t see how awful her life was about to be. And I admit, I may have been crass and said “I don’t see how a mildly steep copay is going to kill you?”. She was very angry with me and left me to sit on the interaction. My mom and dad are upset that I wasn’t as sympathetic with her because she truly does feel as though her life is over and at the end of the day, it’s still a big deal. AITA for how I responded?

Edit: I don’t blame my sister AT ALL, for her diagnosis. No one should expect to get a disease from a single encounter and I don’t think it’s earned or justified by any means.

I LOVE my sister. She is my only sibling and I helped raise her, and while this situation isn’t perfect or ideal I still love her very much.

And my response was based in logic, it didn’t come from a place of hatred or resentment. I just thought logic would help.

Please stop asking if I am autistic, that’s really not relevant.

200 comments and 2 hours later, I already see where things are going.

I love my sister to death, and I’d do anything for her. And she needed me to be her rock and I was a little too solid and literal with her.

I called her and explained my side and even linked the post to her, we cried over FaceTime and I told her I was so very sorry for making her feel like she didn’t have any support.

I’ll be accompanying her to her follow up next week. She needs to know she’s loved and cared for right now so that’s what I’ll do for her.

And for the strange amount of you who are asking if I am on the spectrum or assumed it and to the one person who sent me a test, yes I am.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Secret-Look-6574 on 2024-01-18 18:38:38+00:00.

My sister had boy/girl twins in September. The babies were long wanted and she had names picked out years before. She has always had a love for old fashioned/vintage names and has been outspoken about her joy that they are back. She has also been judgmental of my choice of names for my three children because they were more uncommon and not classics. But she thought everyone would love her kids names which are Barbara and Douglas. I think she did get some positive comments. But she has been annoyed of late because people will say they are sweet "old lady/old man" names and that bothers her. While some have told her they don't like them because they're old lady/old man names.

My sister has snapped at her best friend and at people in her mommy group over the comments (that I know of). Her best friend didn't offer that up immediately either. My sister was bothered by her lack of comment on the names and begged her to give an honest opinion. It does sound like the names are loved at the mommy group though but my sister takes offense to the way they are complimented.

She mentioned this to me three different times. The first time I said nothing and let her talk. The second time I asked her why it bothered her when she said she wanted more old fashioned names to come back and the older the better. Her answer was those are the best kinds of names and just because people like me don't appreciate them, doesn't mean they are just for old ladies and old men. The third time is when I called her a hypocrite and this was after she described a couple of new members of the mommy group cooing over the names and then saying the dreaded "old lady/old man" thing and she lost her temper with them over their description of the names. I told her she's a bit of a hypocrite to hate even the positive comments about the names that mention they are names you expect on old ladies and old men when she intentionally wanted her kids to have old fashioned names.

She told me it's very different and I'm just showing how much I hate her children's names. I have never said this to her and unlike her, I would never disparage names someone else chooses, especially someone close to me. But she insisted that calling her a hypocrite is wrong when it's different to like old names vs calling them old people names.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Mediocre-Guest2973 on 2024-01-18 17:39:47+00:00.

My SIL 22f at the time. Making plans to visit my 2 year old and I while on spring break in college. She has made several trips out to sunny San Diego. My husband and I oblige and often pay for her whole stay and any little trips we do as site seeing. We had given up our apartment after I got out of the military as my husband worked part time and the money we had wouldn’t be enough to support our family in expensive San Diego. He had recently graduated from grad school and was still working on finding his footing. We agreed to Move into an elderly couples home from our church family. Was actually the best choice ever and we lived there for 18 months. Sil asked about visiting and I reminded her we lived with the couple and the husband has dementia and is often awake and confused at night. We help wife with the care. She was told she would be sleeping on the fold out couch and those were her accommodations. Nothing else. She agrees and invites friend to come. I still remind them you are staying on the couch. They come and are agreeable to sleepignon the couch for a quasi free trip to SD. I let them use our one car during the day. During the first night friend is freaked by guy who technically owns the house staring at them confused and start insisting that they are going to sleep in my bed. I’m 7 months pregnant. I call my husband who is at work. They call their parents who are telling us on the phone that I am insensitive for not letting them sleep in our bed. That my husband and I essentially got rack because he works overnight. I get up he gets in. AITA for telling my sil if she doesn’t like it she can leave.

Edit- I do acknowledge that is staying in this home with the couple would be viewed as us being inconsiderate. We reached an agreement and although we were helping them in their home- we paid rent every month. But to say we can’t have company is a little extreme. They had friends over. And because we attended the same church we shared friendships. So I’m torn on how much of an a hole I am in this part.

Edit edit- us staying there eventually allowed us to realize how bad the situation was for the woman. We started “sitting” him for months just as a nice thing to do. Then when we found ourselves in need of a better living situation. It worked out. Our church was very supportive of their family as he was the pastor emeritus (previous pastor)

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/popcornstuffedbra on 2024-01-18 16:07:16+00:00.

My husband (40m) has been a snowboarder most of his life. He really wanted me (40f) to join him, so I agreed to try this season.

I booked myself private lesson to ski and it went great. The following week my husband suggested a place with an easy trail. I agreed and he purchased my lift ticket and rental gear.

We went and it was hard but fun. He was very supportive and stayed by my side while I skied (and fell) down the hill.

Today (4 days later) as he's leaving for work he asked when I would Venmo him for my ticket and gear. I was surprised because he had offered to buy my ticket. I paid for my first lesson and rental/lift ticket and I would have paid for this too, so I'm surprised he just didn't say something before.

I told him I'm sorry, but I don't understand. He texted me and asked, should I get tickets for us? I thought since he offered, he was buying. He said he was buying it for me but, "after opening my credit card bill this month, it would be helpful."

We split our finances, but often treat one another and have never kept tabs before. I was a little pissed but whatever.

Then a few hours later he sent a text with a copy of the receipt so I would see my portion of the bill. I guess it was a nudge, so I took the hint and Venmo'd $150 right away.

Then he sent a text - "umm it was actually $150.99".

Dude, what the fuck?!? I said, you offered to pay, now you want me to pay for what I considered a gift. So I did, but you're going to be petty over 99 cents???

It's been a few hours and he hasn't responded. So, am I the AH for assuming gifts are free?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Such_Leader6567 on 2024-01-18 12:26:37+00:00.

I know the title will confuse some people so I'll just get that part out of the way. I'm (16f) a twin and my twin sister and I have different biological father's and yes it's a super rare thing that happens. Mom slept with two guys a day apart and conceived us. My father is a deadbeat who didn't want to know me or be around. My sister's dad always wanted to be part of her life. We were 2 weeks old when the DNA test showed we had different fathers and my sister's dad still wanted to know her. My mom didn't like that he wanted to know one of us but not the other and she tried to use the courts to make him responsible for us both. But he used the DNA to get parental rights to my sister but not me. They shared custody of her for years and my mom always made a big deal out of it. She would take me along when we were small and she would try to shame him into taking me as well. She'd get me all ready for "custody time" with him. It was a mess. Made my sister super resentful of me too because she didn't like seeing her dad frustrated or hearing mom talk shit about him when he was so good to her.

My mom tried to fight him in court a few times during our childhood and take away his access to my sister if he wouldn't include me. The courts always sided with my sister's dad and she kept having equal time with him. But last year she asked for a change in custody so she could be with her dad more and that was granted.

My mom hated my sister's decision and was very resentful that she wanted that AND that her dad would allow that decision to be made. For me it was a mix of things. I was sad that my sister wanted to be around me less but also relived because our relationship is very strained and tense and she hates me for making things harder even though she knows it's mom doing it and she hates her too.

My mom does nothing now but talk shit about him and how unfair he was to me. I kind of lost it with her a few days ago and told her she will ruin everything if she keeps saying stuff like that and how she already pushed my sister away so much but we'll never ever see her again if she keeps it up. Mom told me she has advocated so hard for me and I'm so ungrateful talking to her like that.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Purple-Entry-6332 on 2024-01-18 17:55:15+00:00.

My wife and I are in our sixties, we are thinking of retiring soon and we are trying to get our finances and everything we own in order. For example we're finally selling our old house because it's too big and we don't need it, we want to live in a quieter place and a smaller house.

We have three kids, all adults by now. Each of our kids have their own kids as well. We have a daughter with one kid, a son with two and another son with two biological kids and a stepdaughter.

Our youngest son was married, about ten or so years ago he cheated on his wife and they got divorced. He cheated with his current wife, then he adopted her daughter.

We want to divide our state between our children and our grandchildren. We had a family gathering to talk about some of these things, especially the house in case any of our children wanted to buy it themselves.

Our son got very angry when he heard that we're cutting off his adopted child from the will. We told him she's not our family and we don't support his life choices and how he ruined his family. He told us to stop holding a grudge for something that happened years ago and accept the child, or cut him and his family off. My wife and I think that his new wife and the child are living proof of him ruining his family. Do you think we are wrong in this? She is a child and he's right that she's "his", but does that automatically makes her our family? He said we're treating his wife and daughter poorly and we're acting like assholes towards a kid.

The step daughter and the adopted daughter are the same girl. My son married her mother and then adopted her.

Questions:

The girl was 1 or 2 years old when my son and his mother started their relationship.

We don't see or talk to each other often, only in family gatherings. They live in another state. She doesn't call us her grandparents.

What each of our kids is getting are family heirlooms and not money. All the money will be distributed between our grandkids in our will to hopefully help them get their education paid.

My son doesn't have contact with his ex wife or his biological kids, he cut them off and didn't even want to pay child support. My wife and I helped our daughter in law and our grandchildren.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/CraftyStand5906 on 2024-01-18 16:23:21+00:00.

I’m so furious right now but I don’t know if I’m overreacting. Just want some unbiased opinions. My MIL is staying with us for a few weeks as my baby is due next week. We have one 11 year old daughter. She isn’t biologically my husband’s daughter, but she’s never met her father and I was only with him for a month. I married my husband when my daughter was 2 and he just thinks of her as his daughter.

My MIL though always sneaks in reminders that she isn’t really his child. For example she posted on fb that she’s so excited for her “first grandchild” to be born, my husband confronted her about it so she took it down. Recently I went out for a doctors appt and my daughter was home with my husband and MIL. When I came home my daughter was crying and my MIL was irritated, so I asked my daughter what happened, and she said her gma had come into her room while she was getting dressed.

My MIL doesn’t really have much of a concept of privacy and I’ve told her multiple times to knock before coming into my daughter’s room. Each time she says okay but then “forgets”. I asked my MIL why she did it again and I probably said it super confrontationally, she said my daughter should learn to change in the bathroom and it isn’t her fault, and I can’t expect her to help out with the baby but also not let her have the right to go anywhere in the house. I lost it and said if she did this one more time I’d go through her phone and her closet. Not that I can, I don’t know her passcode, I just got angry and said it. Now my husband is angry with me for overreacting and being rude to his mom.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Possible-Duck979 on 2024-01-18 16:15:05+00:00.

Hi, I'm 20f and I'm a first year medical student. I have a students portal and obviously it comes with login details like my student number and password. My mother literally knows everything that happens in my life despite the fact that I'm schooling in a totally different country. If I'm on a call with her and another call comes in she'll always want me to tell her the person that called and what we talked about. She calls me every single day and she wants to hear every single thing I did that day. She literally has the phone number of everyone i know. If i accidentally mention someone new shell make me send the number. At first I didn't mind but now I feel like I'm monitored. So the new semester started this week and as usual she asked for all my timetables and class schedules, I reluctantly gave it her but when she asked for my school portal login details I immediately caller her and told her that I didn't want to give it to her. She was furious and demanded for my details. She said 'I'm investing in you so I have every right to know what's happening in your life'. I asked her why she badly wanted my it and she said that she wants to be checking my portal when ever she feels like, for example she wants to be checking my results (which I always send to her once it's out) and so on. I told her that although I'm not hiding anything from her I would like some privacy, if she ever wants anything relating to my portal I'll screenshot it and send to her. She started crying and saying stuff like I'm hiding something and I want to deceive her like my older brother ( he dropped out of college for years and never told anyone for a long time). Then she cut the call. This incident happened this morning and it's been bothering me. I feel really bad for what I did and I'm contemplating sending it to her but for once I wanted a little privacy in my life. So am I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Impressive-Fun123 on 2024-01-18 15:44:05+00:00.

My sister (29) was a nightmare growing up. That is a fact and my parents did not handle her well. She was 16 when they gave up and sent her to a camp, it was horrible for her. The moment she was 18 she left and was on her own. She hasn’t been in contact with them since.

A few years ago we got back into contact and she is much better. In a much better place and we have been slowly reconnecting. I am engaged and my wedding is this year. I sent her an invite and she gave me a call. She asked if our parents will be there and I told her yes. This is where we got in an argument, she wants me to not invite them or she won’t show. That they were horrible to her and how dare I invite them.

My argument was they have treated me well and it’s not my fault they sent her away. Also she was pretty feral as a kid but I don’t hold that against her. We went on for a while but in the end I told her if she can’t handle seeing our parents to not come.

She hung up and thinks I am being a jerk.

Edit: since this has been asked multiple times, yea my parents tried therapy. My brother is no contact with her due with the extreme bullying she put him through as kids. The camp was a minor reform camp.

Also another point, when she was sent away obviously my parent don’t know these camps were awful. They were advertised to helping kid, a safe place to help kids when parents can’t figure it out.

Good chance your question has been answered in one of my comments. Also please answer the AITA question.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/MamaBear5738 on 2024-01-18 15:20:33+00:00.

Hello all. I’m 59, my daughter is 31, she’s been living with me for the past few months as they’ve had some financial trouble. Her husband is 38 and they have 4 children from 5 years old to 9 years old.

I’m vegetarian so I don’t cook meat in the house, but her youngest is picky and usually doesn’t like my food. My daughter cooks a few meals a week, and she’ll usually make something for the kids if I’m making something they won’t like. Last weekend my daughter said she was going out with her friends and I assumed she would be home by dinner, because she didn’t say anything specifically to me about doing anything for the kids. She wasn’t back by 9 and the kids were hungry, so I called her but she didn’t pick up. Phone probably dead. I’d just made rice and steamed veggies for myself because I wasn’t too hungry or in the mood to cook properly. I offered some for the children and the two older ones ate, the 5 year old was upset though and asked if I could make chicken nuggets for him. We did have chicken and breadcrumbs and I know how they’re made, but I didn’t feel good about cooking meat so I told him he can wait until his mom comes home. He got upset and threw the plate of food down and it broke. I picked up the ceramic pieces but had him help clean the rice, he was upset about that too. My daughter wasn’t back until 11 and the kid went to sleep after a little while.

My daughter was really upset that I let him sleep hungry, and I said it was one evening and he’s not starving. She said I could just get over myself and make the damn chicken. Then I told her he broke a plate and she got even angrier that I asked him clean like a “maid” when he’s a little kid. I think she coddles him and I told her so, what do you think?

Edit: Lots of misunderstandings so I’ll be more clear. He ate some crackers before he slept, so not completely hungry. He only got hungry at 9 because he ate at 5, I thought an early dinner would be fine and he could sleep soon. He wanted to stay up and wait for his mom though. So I didn’t keep him hungry from lunch till 9. I offered him pb&j in addition to the rice and veggies.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Live_Equivalent7872 on 2024-01-18 15:19:58+00:00.

I am 58, male, and my daughter (34) and grandson (8) came over for my wife's death day. About half way through the visit, I was making lunch when my daughter walked in with her son by the arm. She was holding a bag of chips and explained that he had went into the pantry and took them without permission, and said I should decide his punishment.

I explained that he could have them, since I had bought the chips impulsively, and had been looking for a way to get rid of them without wasting them, since these kind of chips were fit for a much thinner man than me.

She insisted that he be punished, and I said it's good to let kids win now and then, and that's how I did it with her. She got frustrated, but let him off with the chips, and she said I was lucky it was such a sentimental occasion.

I didn't like putting my foot down with her, AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Calm_Musician2504 on 2024-01-18 15:05:55+00:00.

Hey, my boyfriend(23 M) is uncomfortable with how friendly my outgoing friend(26 F) is, thinking she's interested due to her open sexuality. I(22 F) assured him it's not true, but he dislikes her calling me babe and baby. I don't mind, explained she talks like that with everyone. We argued because he wanted me to ask her to stop months ago. I never did, fearing it would strain our friendship. Now, he saw texts with her calling my baby and threatened to leave if I don't ask her to stop. I think he's overreacting; she's just naturally affectionate with everyone. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Sad-Entertainment428 on 2024-01-18 14:57:17+00:00.

During the holidays, my only cousin from my biological mom's side who lives in a whole other continent visited after six years. Last time I F(22) saw him M(10), he was just over 4, and this was his first visit in all these years. We only managed to spend a handful of times together over the break, and he's set to leave in a week.

I'm anticipating one last meet-up in a few days, and my stepmom (SMom) gave me a talk about not crying when I see him. Her concern stemmed from a previous instance where I cried as I said goodbye to him and his family, thinking it was our final day together before they headed back. On that occasion, he cried too, as we had anticipated and discussed the night before. We both acknowledged our sadness and the fact that we'd miss each other dearly. That day though, I wasn’t sobbing, just visibly tearful and upset. In fact, I was even the one comforting and reassuring my cousin that everything would be okay and I’m only a message away. He also had a choice to stay another day, but I told him his other cousins who lived a few cities away might miss him too.

During the talk, my SMom reminded me, "You saw that he was upset, so you have to control yourself." To which I responded, "I promise, I really tried to hold it back as much as possible, and that’s something I thought of too." Knowing he's younger, I understood the expectation for me to be "stronger." Despite my assurance, my SMom reiterated not to cry, asking, "Don’t you feel bad for him?" I repeated what I said again, but with a bit of a tone which I feel bad about. After that, everything was a bit of a blur as I just kept nodding and I tried to make my mind wander off so as to not speak anymore ill. The conversation ended and there’s a bit of tension now, but I wouldn’t know how bad till the morning.

My SMom has always been better at holding her tears back. I, on the other hand, am admittedly more emotional. However, I was taken aback as it seemed as if I hadn't considered my cousin's feelings if I cried and hadn't attempted to be strong. It's worth noting that the uncertainty of their next visit added to my emotions. He's like a brother, and his mom was almost like a second mother during my upbringing, so all the distance is hard. Anyway, I’m unsure if my emotional reaction is an overreaction or not and I might just have a different perspective.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Ill-Lie8735 on 2024-01-18 14:54:47+00:00.

I (15F) am in sophomore year. Sophomores get one elective, and mine was French.

I was working on our 1st assignment, a collage about popular trends amongst teenagers and rehearsing for the presentation. My mom aggressively knocks the door and opens it saying we need to talk. I say okay but please be quick because I have to continue rehearsing (my presentation would've been later on in the day and we only have a 30 minute lunch break at school). She then proceeds to ask if I had been having any problems with anybody at my school. I then calmly state no, and she proceeds to tell me why she was asking.

She dreamt that she saw my classmate Nina at the grocery store. Nina said hello then mom said hello back. Mom then asked if I had been having any problems at school and Nina told her "yes, with a girl." She felt that the dream was trying to tell her something.

This was reminiscent of a situation from my past when I was in 6th grade. There was a new boy, Tanner, who transferred to our primary school because he allegedly got kicked out of his old school for fighting (Nina said so). Tanner was skinny, blonde, white, blonde hair and blue eyes and he thought he was better than others because of his physical appearance. I had been his new target because of my larger weight and good grades. We got in a physical fight where he kicked me and I got bruises and I chased him. He would also give me dirty looks in class whenever I was picked over him to answer a question and get it right. I didn't tell anybody about the problems I had for the whole year but Nina was a witness.

Nina's family and my family were good friends (we went to same primary since kindergarten), and in July after the school year ended we all went on a beach trip together. Nina ended up spilling the beans after my mom interrogated her about what had been going on with the bruises. My mom and older sister were furious at me for not telling them the truth about the bruises. The fact that Nina told them and not me is still something that is brought up to this day. They still won't let me forget it to this day as they said because what I did was so terrible and disgusting and broke their trust in me as I would tell them that everything was fine and lie about how I got my bruises.

Tanner lives near us in the same neighborhood but thankfully attends a different high school and works at the nearby grocery store so my mom sees him there sometimes.

I felt really bad about what I did and I still feel so much guilt about it to this day. I felt so sad hearing my mom talk about her dream. However, I also felt that my education was important, as learning a new language can be a good asset for jobs. I tried compromising saying I was sorry but I can't talk right now but I could talk more about it after school and she screamed at me that I was a selfish heartless wicked bitch with no remorse for what I did. Sis defended mom. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Individual_Soup_9752 on 2024-01-18 14:38:09+00:00.

My dad died when I (28f) was 4. My grandma died before I was born and she was my dad's mom. I have extremely vague memories of my dad and no contact with any of his living family. According to family friends grandma and my dad were the best from that family. Through family friends I have learned a lot about my dad and I have always been aware that I am the spitting image of him and he was the spitting image of his mom. I also learned that she was a really amazing person and someone I have admired more as I learn more. Dad's friends all thought of her as a mom figure and really loved that they knew her.

Because of all this I feel a connection to her as well. And also because of how similar we look. So I want a photo of both of them on a table at the wedding where we honor those who cannot make it. My fiancée wants her brother and sister who died as children to have photos on there as well.

The conflict comes from my stepdad. He and my mom met when I was 6 and in many ways he was the only father figure I had/knew growing up. I was 8 when he and my mom got married but we lived together for over a year at that point. He has always felt slighted by the fact he's stepdad and not dad. He also has mentioned that he wishes that people didn't point out how much I look like my dad. He's very insecure about mentions of my dad and also because my mom also speaks fondly of him still.

When I mentioned the table to them my stepdad was not happy that someone I never met and someone else I hardly remembered would be on the table. I think he took even more offense because his mom who I only met once before she died, would not be on there. I didn't offer to put her on there because I want the table to represent people my fiancée and I are missing and feel should have been there. There are technically others we could both put if we were to include people our families are missing.

My stepdad asked me why I have to put my dad on display like that during the wedding. Why does he have to haunt him there as well. He told me it's hurtful to always feel like he's not even second best but just doesn't compare to someone who is not even a full memory of me. I told him that was hurtful for me to hear because he's still my dad and I wouldn't be here without him or my grandma. He told me that it's his truth and he must speak it and if I care about him at all I will make this one sacrifice for him.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Stunning-Mastodon-76 on 2024-01-18 13:45:38+00:00.

My girlfriend and I are going on holiday for 5 nights. We have been looking at activities to do and have picked out a few to do together. There is one thing I really want to do but my girlfriend had no interest it.

It is a full day activity and since my girlfriend didn't want to do it, I said I was fine doing it on my own. She said I shouldn't be doing that since we're going away together but I mentioned that we've got 5 nights there so we'll still have plenty of time together.

She told me I shouldn't book it but I pointed out we're not likely to go back to this place on holiday since we want to try new places each time we go away so this might be my only chance to actually do it. She just said we're supposed to be spending the holiday together and that I shouldn't be planning to spend a whole day of it apart from her.

I just repeated that we still have plenty of time together and that it is only one day I'm going to be busy. I just said that I should be allowed to do an activity I'm excited about and that I shouldn't have to skip it just because she has no interest.

She just said I wasn't considering her and that I am wrong for deciding to book it.

AITA for booking a solo activity while on holiday with my girlfriend?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/HoneycombHips on 2024-01-18 13:43:36+00:00.

I (25F) am getting married next month. My brother and SIL have a 5 year old daughter, Emma. They assumed Emma would automatically be the flower girl in my wedding.

The issue is thta I have asked my best friend's daughter Hannah (6F) to be the flower girl instead. Hannah's mom is my maid of honor and she is like family to me.

When I told my brother and SIL that Hannah will be the flower girl, they got really upset. They said I'm choosing friends over family and breaking their little girl's heart by not giving her this special role.

I tried to explain that I've known Hannah her whole life too and it's a sweet full circle moment to have her in the wedding. We have a very sepcial connection that I don't have like this with Emma, even though I love Emma too. But my brother said I'm a selfish aunt and setting a bad precedent in our family. Now they don't want Emma involved at all.

My parents think I should have just let both girls be flower girls to keep the peace. Which I thought was a cool idea and I initially didn't think of that.

When I told my brother and SIL that this would be great, they declined and said they don't want her to do it anymore at all.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/WeekEmbarrassed6759 on 2024-01-18 13:34:54+00:00.

sorry for all the mistakes, english is not my native language!

all i (f19) know about my father is his last name. when i was four years old, my mother got married again. her husband, whom i will call john, adopted me. until i became a teenager and asked a direct question, my mother insisted that he was my real father.

john has been very strict. for example, he could punish me for leaving my room at night or having a snack before lunch, and often made fun of my speech defects. when i was very young (4-5), i tried to make friends with him, but he constantly pushed me away. in the end, i never loved him, did not obey him, and he was never an authority for me. i never saw him as a parent. so the further i grew up, the more we fought. at some point, scandals began to occur almost daily, and john and i insulted each other with all our might.

my mom was more liberal, but she never took my side. she grew up in an toxic family, and for as long as i can remember, she was very depressed, so she avoided any conflicts. i forgive her for that, but i admit that it was so. but one day, when i was 15, i had a breakdown, and i wrote mom a long message where i told her that john was responsible for the fact that i almost dropped out of school and never felt that i had a family.

mom cried for a long time, but eventually she offered me a compromise. john would live separately until i moved, and i would go to therapy and try to fix my life. i agreed, and things have been pretty good for the last five years.

life turned out so that only at the beginning of this february i will move into my house. mom inherited two living spaces from her parents, she now lives in one, and decided to give the second one to me so that i would not have to live in rented housing. mom is still with john. over the years, he sometimes came to our house for my younger brother, but we didn't even say hello, and i just went to my room when he came.

i had almost vacated my room when my mom suddenly mentioned that john will come to visit me from time to time. i was like, what? she said that since she did not have her own car, she would give him spare keys so that he could check if everything was in order, make repairs for me, carry heavy loads and so on. i said that this would not happen, i did not want to see this man at my home and would kick him out if i only saw him on the doorstep. i don't mind him living with mom again, but my house is my home, and i want to feel safe there.

now my mom is pretty angry. she says it's time for me to let go of my resentments and accept help from a person who will lend me a helping hand. she also told me that she was very offended that i wanted to change my stepfather's surname to my grandmother's, because he raised me, "although he was wrong in some ways".

i don't consider myself an asshole, and i don't even mind seeing this man at my mom's house, but i just don't like him and i don't want to have access to my personal space. so i was wondering, maybe i'm really wrong?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Livid-Attempt9892 on 2024-01-18 13:22:50+00:00.

Throwaway account so I'm not discovered. I (f30) and my brother (25) live in Australia, one of the hottest states of Australia too.

My brother is intending on getting married in January of next month, one of the hottest months. Barely through Jan yet and have had numerous heatwaves.

I have a rare brain condition which causes fainting spells, extreme vertigo, vision changes and loss. Heat is a massive trigger for my symptoms and I'm more susceptible to heat stroke. Because of this, any outdoor events in temps of 33°c + I avoid and don't attend.

My brother wants a beach wedding, ceremony in the middle of the sand, no shade, no cover, no fans, stinking hot and I'm assuming lots of sweaty makeup and sunburn. I respect his wishes but told him I will not attend, I really don't want to faint at his wedding. But I will watch their ceremony live streamed and attend their reception, which will be indoors and with aircon.

Brothers fiancee thinks I'm an attention seeking arsehole and I'm trying to make their wedding all about me. He wants to keep her happy so therefore thinks the same.

WIBTA if I didn't go? Or should I suck it up and hope I don't faint or get heatstroke?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Me_to_Dazai on 2024-01-18 13:17:22+00:00.

I (17f) was having lunch with a couple of my college friends. FOR CONTEXT: We've all only known each other for less than a year still I'm close to pretty much the majority of my friend group of 7 people except there's one girl in particular who I'll call Kim that I'm not particularly close to. We're civil with each other but don't really have much in common. She's always been vocal about how she doesn't believe in god and ghosts and other supernatural stuff like that and I actually share her views.

Now this is where the problem arose. While we were having lunch the topic of deceased relatives was brought up. I told them about an uncle of mine who died during the pandemic in 2021 due to covid. I was really close to my uncle so much so that I considered him my second dad. He was always supportive of me and always bought me everything I ever asked for. I'd call and talk to him almost everyday. So when I lost him, I honestly feel like I lost a piece of myself. I told them that once we were done with the funeral rites for him, my family and I were sitting around when the light in the room went off all of a sudden and I felt something on my head almost like a light touch from someone's hand. It was probably just the wind but I truly did think that was a sort of final farewell from my uncle.

When I finished, my friends thought it was rather sweet....except for Kim. I didn't even ask her but she said that it was most definitely not my uncle cause no ghost was that sentimental and to grow up. She said it was "cringe" and to not make up "bs sentimental nonsense". I was honestly just speechless. I just said "You're such a fucking bitch get tf away from me you pos" and this just seemed to make her tick. All i remember was her saying something along the lines of how i should be grateful that my uncle wasn't here to see what a pos I was. I think about there must be some underlying hatred because of that outburst but i genuinely have never said or done anything to hurt her.

Most of my friends are on my side except one who said that what I said hurt her really bad and now she's crying and upset all the time because I insulted her in front of everyone. I genuinely can't see how i could be wrong here but this is causing a lot of turbulence in my friend group, so AITA?