this post was submitted on 24 May 2025
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Ask Me Anything

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Ask Me Anything (AMA) Community Rules and Guidelines

This is the lemmy.ca AmA.

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Two days ago, I did an AMA about my current life situation, and I really enjoyed it. I find these super fun for some reason, so I’m back with another one! Same request as last time: please, no judgment or unkind replies. Thank you! 🤍

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[–] [email protected] 3 points 12 hours ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] -4 points 12 hours ago (3 children)

We met in June 2023 through my best friend - he’s her boyfriend’s widowed uncle. I liked him, and he liked me. At the time, my biggest goal was to leave home, and after spending about two months together, I decided to move in with him in August.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

How's he taking care of you now?

What's the best date you two have been on?

[–] [email protected] 0 points 4 hours ago

In every way a person can be taken care of - physically, emotionally, financially, etc. - I am. We went to the Seychelles last month for Easter break. It was amazing.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 6 hours ago

Interesting how people just downvoted you without saying anything.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 11 hours ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 11 hours ago (3 children)

I’m not going to engage in the online “grooming” debate - it’s pointless, and I don’t feel the need to defend or justify my relationship.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 10 hours ago (1 children)

You were underage. I don’t see a debate just a fact.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

June 2023 makes her 16, which is over the age of consent in many countries. It might not be the case in yours - it's not in mine - but that doesn't mean it's illegal where they are. Context is important.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

Glad the law is the only moral guideline 🙏

[–] [email protected] 2 points 6 hours ago* (last edited 6 hours ago)

"Underage" is a legal colloquialism, so yes, I answered in the context of the comment I was responding to. After all, who sets the age benchmark to determine what is under and what is over age? Please do me the courtesy of taking context into account, if you don't mind; this is a discussion, not an outrage contest.

[–] [email protected] 9 points 10 hours ago

I think it’s something you should think critically about since you moved in with him 2 years ago (16?) you aren’t a fully cooked human yet at that age.

[–] [email protected] -1 points 4 hours ago (2 children)

All the hate you're getting is weird. You're an adult, you can make your own decisions about your life. As long as you are happy and he is happy, I see no reason why there would be a problem. Just people clutching their pearls, I guess.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 3 hours ago

People are concerned about a vastly unbalanced power dynamic. Even if their 43yo partner managed to have no more knowledge and life experience then them (very unlikely), they have fully developed frontal lobes, the part of the brain responsible for things like rational decision making, emotional regulation, and critical thought, whereas op does not. That alone is a huge power imbalance as this makes op much easier to manipulate and less likely to notice issues. Humans basically have brain damage (when compared to an adult) until their mid twenties.

Add to this that there's also a socioeconomic imbalance. 43yo likely has much more money (not many teens can afford vacations to the Seychelles without family wealth), and they'll also have some degree of a network of other adults with similar capabilities. This all can be used against op to keep her compliant, typically in the guise of "helping" or "taking care of her". If op becomes a problem, like sick, pregnant, or increasingly self sufficient, this can be used to sweep the "problem" under the rug. I'd know, that's exactly what happened to me at her age.

[–] [email protected] -2 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

What I find interesting is that two days ago, when I did my first AMA and talked about how my quality of life has improved tremendously thanks to this relationship, people were all saying things like “happy for you.” I had already mentioned that my boyfriend is much older - just hadn’t explicitly stated his age. But now that I’ve actually said how old he is, people are suddenly like, “Run!” Like… what even?