this post was submitted on 28 Jan 2025
26 points (93.3% liked)

The Monkey's Paw

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Want to make a wish? Just ask the Monkey’s Paw! No strings attached.*

Just create a post that starts with “I wish ___”. Other users will then grant you the wish, and probably not how you intended.

^(*)^ ^Strings^ ^definitely^ ^attached.^ ^Satisfaction^ ^not^ ^guaranteed.^ ^Wish^ ^will^ ^likely^ ^backfire.^

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[–] [email protected] 26 points 3 days ago

Granted.

No strings. This one's a gimme.

[–] Arghblarg 19 points 3 days ago

Wish granted. Cats everywhere who were declawed regain their functional digits with a nice new claw.

Wherever more than a dozen protein molecules which used to be part of a once-living, declawed cat, happen to reside in a currently-living being, a new terminal cat digit, complete with new sharp claw, grows spontaneously.

People, plants and animals worldwide suffer as domestic cat claws spontaneously grow, teratoma-like, randomly within or protruding from their living forms. Hospitals are overwhelmed with patients suddenly complaining of painful bumps in various parts of their bodies; some particularly unfortunate individuals are rushed to hospital with ghastly eye disfigurations causing blindness, brain seizures and other maladies, X-rays and CT scans revealing the same cause; small bones and claws in random body locations.

[–] [email protected] 12 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

It's a miracle! Videos surface of cats suddenly regenerating the tissues. The world is set aflame with the news and dreams of humans regrowing missing limbs and perhaps even achieving immortality. As a direct result of your wish, what limited animal experimentation laws that exist are rolled back. Cats worldwide relive their mutilation again and again in scientific experiments in an attempt to find the source of their incredible regenerative ability.