this post was submitted on 16 Apr 2025
1094 points (98.8% liked)

Not The Onion

16072 readers
2358 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
top 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Rooskie91@discuss.online 245 points 2 weeks ago (7 children)

Holy shit if these people get anymore cult like they're going to move to South America and kill themselves.

[–] KingGordon@lemmy.world 133 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Dont threaten me with a good time.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Kyrgizion@lemmy.world 42 points 2 weeks ago

Man, we should be so lucky.

load more comments (5 replies)
[–] MushuChupacabra@lemmy.world 182 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Sounds like the kinda guy you want in charge of all of America's sensitive information.

The important thing is that he's not batshit insane.

[–] foggy@lemmy.world 51 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

You can tell because of the way that he is.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] Anarki_@lemmy.blahaj.zone 170 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)
[–] Witchfire@lemmy.world 89 points 2 weeks ago

Even his AI generated kids hate him

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] CarbonatedPastaSauce@lemmy.world 127 points 2 weeks ago (9 children)

I'm not going to have a lot of sympathy for anyone who lets that guy put his dick in them.

[–] coyootje@lemmy.world 99 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

Well apparently he doesn't do that, news outlets are saying that all of his kids are from ivf.

[–] RedPostItNote@lemmy.world 91 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)
[–] Kyrgizion@lemmy.world 78 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Since Leon and Zuck killed factchecking, there is nothing stopping me from believing this.

[–] RedPostItNote@lemmy.world 31 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

If he denies it I think he should just show us dick. SHOW US YOUR FREAK DICK ELON

load more comments (3 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (3 replies)
[–] Bonus@lemm.ee 30 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

Not even if it was with a turkey baster.

load more comments (4 replies)
load more comments (7 replies)
[–] OsrsNeedsF2P@lemmy.ml 105 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

The report said Musk sent Fong a direct message asking if she wanted to have his baby — despite never having met her in person. Fong confided in friends about the advance, and once Musk found out, he unfollowed her, and her X earnings reportedly nosedived. At the peak of Musk’s engagement with her posting, she apparently raked in $21,000 over a two-week stretch on his platform.

That's kind of messed up

[–] threeganzi@sh.itjust.works 48 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

How do you make $21,000 on twitter?

[–] CluckN@lemmy.world 39 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Premium Xitter subscriptions and Elon artificially inflating your numbers.

load more comments (2 replies)
load more comments (3 replies)
[–] LanguageIsCool@lemmy.world 103 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

Hi, I’m Leon! But you can call me the neo-nazi kid :D

I’m a proud white guy from South Africa (14 y/o in spirit).

I’m currently trying to fuck up the world and spread my genes hoping to be the new Hitler some day!

Do you want to have my kid? Haha just kidding. Unless…

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] blattrules@lemmy.world 101 points 2 weeks ago (11 children)

So this guy has time to be CEO of twitter, spacex, xai, starlink, tesla, boring company, head of DOGE and still has time to try to hook up with thousands of girls online? Something tells me CEOs are pretty useless if you can be running that many companies each week.

[–] schizo@forum.uncomfortable.business 40 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

Yeah it's more hilarious: he's not hooking up with anyone, this is pure turkey baster going on.

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] ihatefascist@lemm.ee 35 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Don't forget he also doubled down on being in the top10 of PoE2 (which is ruled by nolife players that play 16 hours a day) yet he had the time to do that, I can't understand why anyone would ever trust a word coming out of his mouth ever. Pathological liar with a massive ego, hopefully the target of the next Luigi

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (9 replies)
[–] jjjalljs@ttrpg.network 83 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

dear saint luigi: please please please end musk. and as many of his acolytes as possible.

[–] Grimy@lemmy.world 31 points 2 weeks ago

But when they persisted in asking Him, He straightened up, and said to them, “Those who are without a billion among you, let them be the first to lay the basket and fasten the frame for the blade.”

[–] SoftestSapphic@lemmy.world 80 points 2 weeks ago (18 children)

Elon needs to die for the good of the human race

[–] lemel@lemmy.ml 34 points 2 weeks ago

He and Trump. The world would be a much better place.

load more comments (17 replies)
[–] FlashMobOfOne@lemmy.world 62 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

It must be said again.

There are no good billionaires. Every one of them is doing stupid shit like this while people starve to death, in public or in secret.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] HelluvaKick@lemmy.world 59 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

This is giving The Office "I want to have 100 kids so I can have 100 friends and no one can say no to being my friend." energy

load more comments (4 replies)
[–] jared@mander.xyz 55 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

A legion of children that hate him👍

[–] SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone 30 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

He doesn't give a shit, them loving him isn't his goal

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] A_Union_of_Kobolds@lemmy.world 54 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

Well now I'm starting to think that 4chan account might actually be his, how fun!

A Nazi who thinks he's the Antichrist. What a fuckin world

[–] jabeez@lemmy.today 33 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Who "Christians" put in power, fucking delicious irony, what a bunch of ignorant, hateful assholes.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] ace_of_based@sh.itjust.works 51 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (4 children)
[–] TangledHyphae@lemmy.world 34 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

https://archive.md/DNH8o

I put it on archive.md for anybody that couldn't see past the paywall like myself. (Sorry for the hijack but I wanted to see it quickly.) I'm not sure how everyone else is managing to read it for free tho.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (3 replies)
[–] trashboat@midwest.social 50 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

This… might just be the craziest thing I’ve read since the election

Someone should totally try to catfish him, though. Sounds like it wouldn’t be all that challenging

[–] TacticalCheddar@lemm.ee 31 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (5 children)

This… might just be the craziest thing I’ve read since the election

We so far have:

  1. Trump turning the White House in a Tesla dealership
  2. Trump putting tarrifs on penguins, but not on Russia
  3. US warplans leaked because someone doesn't know how to use his phone
  4. The US becoming a crypto bro.
  5. The US looking to invade Canada, Mexico, Panama, and Greenland while also looking to extort the rest of the fucking planet.
  6. The US stealing the Gulf of Mexico from Mexico.

Just to name a few. We are only 4 months into his term people. I'd say Elon humping everything that moves is just a regular tuesday.

load more comments (5 replies)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] KulunkelBoom@lemm.ee 46 points 2 weeks ago (13 children)

As if his sorry assed genetic material should be passed on. Why do all nazis assume they're the "superior race"?

[–] Witchfire@lemmy.world 27 points 2 weeks ago

Because being white is the biggest accomplishment of their life

That's not a compliment

load more comments (12 replies)
[–] Olhonestjim@lemmy.world 44 points 2 weeks ago (41 children)

Declining population, my ass. There were less than 4.5 billion people on the planet when I was born. That fash-hole is only worried that white people will represent a minority of the future population. Nothing more.

load more comments (41 replies)
[–] gonzo-rand19@moist.catsweat.com 42 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Is it weird to anyone else that he just assumes his "legion" of children will follow him unquestioningly?

My dad keeps giving me stock "tips" (my stepsister works at a gold mine and he keeps telling me their stock'll go up any day now despite the mine not being in operation yet 🙄) and I haven't even followed through on that.

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] uawarebrah@sh.itjust.works 40 points 2 weeks ago

What did I just read why does this dude exist

[–] cupcakezealot@lemmy.blahaj.zone 37 points 2 weeks ago
[–] Godofdirt@lemmy.world 31 points 2 weeks ago

If ever a man needed to be stripped of his power and influence

[–] Aatube@kbin.melroy.org 29 points 2 weeks ago (7 children)

what's with billionaires and wanting to have so many bloody babies

[–] rocket_dragon@lemmy.dbzer0.com 32 points 2 weeks ago (5 children)

Weird Nazi cult pseudoscience based on the science of natural selection - they actually think they are superior and have superior genes therefore it's in the best of the species that their "superior" genes propagate as widely as possible.

load more comments (5 replies)
load more comments (6 replies)
[–] Jhex@lemmy.world 29 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

They way he treats his kids, he is building a legion to hunt him down

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] vga@sopuli.xyz 28 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

I find it weird that he can be like that and still be alive. Does he bring security to absolutely everywhere he is?

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] ellypony@lemmy.world 27 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Nasty ass loser. trifling ass hentai addict type thought process. I've known life-long basement dewllers, they could NEVER be caught acting like this. They're mostly just awkward and sweet with mild social impairment. Then again none of them are billionaires LMAO. It must be the entitlement of people like this.

You know that image of the greasy neckbeard guy with the ugly hat who lives in his mother's basement? The one that floats around in everyone's head at the idea of a 30+ year old man living alone with his mother. That guy will be getting mad pussy. That guy will find genuine companionship with a human. All because they don't see others as receptacles for procreation.

All of the images, and memes, and greentext horror stories; all of the stereotypical caricatures of creeps. None of that could have prepared me for this. None of them fit the boot. I have never had the hairs on my neck stand up like I just did reading about that.

This guy is the King Kong of creeps. The final boss.

load more comments (3 replies)
load more comments