Am I the Asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by [deleted] on 2024-01-23 21:32:44+00:00.

Throwaway because my family has Reddit as well and I don’t want them to know it’s me. My (35f) husband’s (40M) mother recently came into a lot of money via an inheritance when her mother (my husband’s grandmother) recently passed away. She left it entirely to my MIL, and no one else in the family. The inheritance she got ended up being a LARGE sum of money (about 4 million) and she intends to pass it on to my husband and his 4 brothers when she passes away. The problem is she has a serious gambling problem and will probably gamble all of the inheritance money away by the time she passes. This isn’t me trying to be mean or rude, it’s just who she is and everyone including my in-laws agree that’s what will probably happen, as she has already gambled away a 1/4 of the total amount within the past 6 months . Recently my husband thought of the idea to ask for his share of the money on his own in advance so that we can buy a house. When we talked to my MiL about the idea, she was more than thrilled to help us and even set up a meeting with a realtor to help us start the process of looking at houses. I thought it was a great idea, as the way the housing market is currently we can’t afford a house on our own and his share would be more than enough to buy one outright with no mortgage. When my husband then brought it up to his brothers however..they were LIVID to say the least. They said that’s absolutely unfair and cruel that he would backstab them like that as they had plans to try and get their share of the money in advance too and wanted to do it as a team but now they can’t. One sibling said “it’s crystal clear who the favorite child is”. I can see why my brother in laws are angry with us, and yes the mother does show favoritism to my husband more than the others often, but we really just want a house and want to take advantage of the money she has before it’s permanently gone. So Reddit, Would we be assholes if we go through with this?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/throwawayy22567 on 2024-01-23 21:29:51+00:00.

My parents and I (18F) stay at my uncles house every few months because he lives out of town and we don’t see him often. We’re staying with him again for a week. Every time I have a shower at his house he accidentally walks in on me and I just hate it so much so I decided this time I wouldn’t shower and i’d just wait until i got home.

I’d been to the beach and my mom asked me if I was gonna have a shower because she knows that I hate being dirty. I told her I just didn’t want to but my mom kept asking me and I told her that it’s because of my uncle walking in on me and it just makes me feel really icky.

My mom got really annoyed at me and said I shouldn’t feel like that about a family member. She told my uncle and dad too and my uncle is really offended that i’m uncomfortable around him. I didn’t mean to upset him or anything and i feel really bad I just don’t like being walked in on and it just keeps happening. My parents are both really annoyed at me for upsetting my uncle and I do feel bad but like he just makes me a little uncomfy even though it’s not intentional

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Logical_Cake_2549 on 2024-01-23 21:21:49+00:00.

Hello r/AITA,

I'm still processing the events from my wedding last weekend and could use some judgment. I decided to have a lavish wedding, something out of a fairytale, and I wanted everything to be perfect. To offset some costs, I asked all the guests to contribute a 'meal fee' of $200 per person. I thought it was a reasonable request given the exquisite menu and venue.

My sister, Emma, has always struggled financially. She's a single mother with three kids and has had a tough year with unexpected expenses. When she received the invitation and saw the meal fee, she called me, almost in tears. She explained that she couldn't afford the $800 for her and her kids but really wanted to attend and celebrate my day.

I was adamant about the rule and told her that if she couldn't pay the meal fee, they could attend the ceremony but would have to sit out during the reception dinner. She was hurt but agreed, not wanting to miss my wedding.

The wedding day came, and everything was as extravagant as I'd imagined. However, when the reception dinner started, I saw my sister and her kids sitting at a separate table, watching everyone eat. Some guests noticed and whispered, and my sister looked more and more uncomfortable as the night went on. She left early with her kids.

The next day, my family was furious with me. They said I humiliated my sister and her kids and that my 'meal fee' was outrageous, especially considering her situation. I feel like they're all overreacting. It was my day, and I just wanted everything to be perfect without compromising on the lavishness.

So, AITA for enforcing the meal fee at my wedding?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Educational-Meal-419 on 2024-01-23 21:15:13+00:00.

I, 25F, am an only child, adopted at birth by my two parents. My parents always believed in teaching me the value of hard work, and they truly worked for what they have, their own earnings and investments along with inheritance from their parents has to set them at a net work of around 7 million or maybe more. As their financial situation improved as I grew up, I became accustomed to a nice lifestyle. They live in a very nice but reasonably sized home and I went to great schools, college paid off, new car, etc. I am very grateful for these opportunities. I work full time as a teacher, and my dad always told me as long as I was contributing to the world in a positive way I wouldn’t have to worry about money. I think when I graduated my dad was kinda stuck in his ways from back in the day when people got out of college and immediately got good jobs. I work hard at my job, but I’m no executive, and in education there isn’t really a ladder to climb. I know I chose a career that doesn’t offer a lot of money, but I suppose I thought that was fine given my dad’s promise and the simple fact that I’ve never experienced what it’s like to struggle for money and didn’t realize how stressful it can be, plus I do love teaching. Well, something changed. My dad has become a bit hardened as he’s gotten older and really has a grudge against the younger generation. I think I he thinks I’m lazy. I know I work hard, but my dad doesn’t get that just working hard isn’t enough to cover basic needs anymore. I honestly live in a shithole apartment, work constantly grading and planning and burning myself out, and I don’t make it to the end of the month. I have credit card debt so out of control I can’t pay even the minimum on, some bills go unpaid sometimes, and I cry at least once a week about money. Sometimes I get my nails done and silly little things but I don’t buy anything outrageous, nothing designer, I don’t own a car anymore and I take public transit, etc. I know it’s privileged but learning what it’s like to stress over money coupled with my huge downgrade in lifestyle is really affecting me. I have a great relationship with my parents outside of this, and I love them so much and I know they love me, but their lack of direct support or even just buying me something really nice for my birthday makes me resent them a bit. AITA for expecting more from them, or do I just need to buck up and and be grateful for what they have given me to get me started in life?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/linzjustine on 2024-01-23 21:12:13+00:00.

AITA for being mad that my dad didn’t help clean up a mess last night?

I have two kiddos, 5 year old and 1 year old. My dad has lived with me before I ever even had kids and decided to move into our house when my fiancé and I moved 6 years ago. Now, preface to say, I know it’s not my dad’s responsibility to take care of my kids but this incident last night, I just feel like he could have done something to help out.

I was in the living room with my 1 year old changing her diaper, my dad was in the kitchen standing next to my 5 year old. My son knocked over a whole cup of water all over the counter. I’m talking the entire counter was covered in water. Instead of doing literally anything, my dad’s just standing there. I ask him if he’s going to clean it up and he tells me he doesn’t know where any of the towels are and was going to have my son clean it up. Again, my dad has lived in the house as long as we have and the towels have never moved. They’ve always been in the same place. There’s also a brand new roll of paper towels sitting on the counter to the left of him. And my son is 5. I don’t trust him to clean up the entire thing.

So I tell him to forget it and I’ll clean it up once I’m done changing hineys. I’m sooooo irritated at this point. Not just because of the water everywhere, but because we have a counter top ice maker and there’s literally water underneath it. My fiancé hears the commotion (he works from home) and comes to the kitchen with towels and we get it cleaned up. Meanwhile my dad just walks back to his room without even so much as attempting to help.

AITA for being irritated over this? Again, I know it’s not my dad’s job to watch or take care of my kids. But I was literally in the middle of changing my daughter’s diaper.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/thenileindenial on 2024-01-23 20:55:14+00:00.

A brief context: my (33M) family thought I was crazy when I applied for art school 15 years ago, and some of my aunts made openly snarky remarks when I decided to specialize in make-up design (with the risk of sounding judgmental, they were all born and raised in a small town with backward values, and the thought of me - A MAN! - becoming a make-up artist was more than they could handle without making some "scandalous" assumptions about my sexual orientation).

Now I’m steadily working as a VFX make-up artist and my resume includes a list of independent movies and mainstream TV productions. That line of work led me to meet and interact with some famous people here and there. But what I just realized when I went back home for my mother’s (60F) birthday is that she is actively “showing me off” to our family and her friends, always mentioning some famous person I got to meet as a conversation starter.

I asked her (in private, not in front of her guests) not to do that; it makes me uncomfortable and it leads to people asking for juicy stories that I’m not willing to share. My mother says she was just proud of me and there’s no harm in her talking about my “success” (her words, not mine – I never called myself successful). I got the feeling that she also wants to rub my career in her sisters' faces (the ones who so loudly criticized my choices) - if that's the case, this is something she is doing for her own reasons, because I don't care about that and don't need my mother to defend me.

I told her all of that, and to make sure she understood I was serious, I said I wouldn't go back home so soon if that's what I have to deal with when I'm there. Later, she told my father (62M) about our talk, and he told me she was very upset that I called her out over a simple “proud mama” behavior. Was I the AH to say anything? Maybe I should just let her have her fun.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/ConclusionOriginal14 on 2024-01-23 19:46:05+00:00.

EDIT: She was calling Sarah a nanny when she said "looking after white kids". She did add "as a nanny" after "white kids anyway". And yes, Sarah's black.

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I live in the USA, but I migrated here & English is my second language. My wife & her are white.

My step-daughter Lisa (11 F) was playing indoors in our house with her friends today and was in another room. We heard what sounded like crying coming from upstairs later & got startled, deciding to check what the matter was.

Her friend Sarah (11 F) was scared as she had apparently given a jumpscare. Sarah was using the bathroom, and when she returned after taking some time, Lisa stood next to the door and jumped out at her with black paint (we had some in the house)

I said that what she'd done was extremely offensive, asking her to apologize. She said "It was just a joke" and brushed it away & my wife said that kids prank each other. But Lisa was mad that Sarah tattled on her & said "If you want to snitch on me, you can go home. You must have to look after white kids anyway."

I was just shocked & did not know what to do. That resulted in a really huge argument, but she still did not apologize. In the end, all the kids just left.

Her birthday, which is coming up, was cancelled. We'd planned a huge celebration, but I said nothing doing. She began to cry, and my wife got mad & said I am taking a joke too far, etc. Both of them are mad at me & giving the silent treatment, and I am wondering whether I did overreact.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/aitathrowaway265 on 2024-01-23 19:41:21+00:00.

Link to original post:

Hi Reddit! Sorry this update took so long, but I just signed the last of the divorce papers and wanted to share with this sub. I took the top comment's advice and tried to have a conversation with my ex-husband and his mother, but they both just yelled at me and would not listen to anything I said. My ex-husband even went back on his agreement to not invite her over -- apparently, this was my punishment for disobeying him and embarrassing his mother.

For a few months, I stayed with my best friend on the weekends, and she convinced me to divorce him. But because I was a SAHM, I needed a steady source of income. Early 2023, we started a candle making business on Etsy. It was really rough the first few months, but we began to gain traction and I finally told my ex that I wanted a divorce after I felt financially stable. He said no, but I had already worked everything out with my lawyer. After I sent him the papers, he and his mother began harassing me and he said that he would agree to the divorce only if I gave up full custody of my daughter. Long story short, this ended up in us going to court, and I now have full custody.

My best friend is the real hero of this entire story -- she let me stay over for free throughout the proceedings and helped me care for my daughter. With the alimony and the money I made from the candle making business, I officially moved in with my best friend and began paying her rent, too. I'm currently saving up to buy a place of my own. My daughter and I are really happy right now, and I can't believe that I didn't see how toxic my ex and his mother were for the 7 years we were married. I hope this is enough drama for the rest of my life, and thanks to all the people in my dm's who showed me how toxic my relationship was!

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Wide_Raspberry1280 on 2024-01-23 18:14:23+00:00.

I have been with my husband for 3 and a half years and married just over 1 year. This past November we had our first child. My husband is an only child and his father was never in the picture. Him and his mom have never really been close.

Now for a little back story, we are both at odds with my MIL and it all started less than 24 hours after I had my son. My husband and I told both my MIL and my mother that we did not want our son's birth turned into a photo op. People taking pictures of me have always made me uncomfortable. My son had some complications immediately after he was born and he was rushed to the NICU. I wasn't able to see him for roughly 9 hours. Once I was allowed to go into the NICU my husband went with me as this was the first time I was officially meeting my newborn son. Next thing I know I look up and see my MIL using this opportunity as a photo op. I WAS FUMING. These were not the first pictures I wanted of my son or of my husband and I with our son. The next morning my MIL decided she wanted to come back and see our son who is now safe and in our room. I am running on maybe 2 hours of sleep, but still said it was okay for her to come. Once she was there I didn't really interact with her. I was just trying to rest. After she left she ended up calling my husband. This is when he decided to call her out on the photo op and how she completely violated a boundary that we clearly set.

Her response floored me. She began yelling at my husband saying that I hate her, that I don't like her and I never have. That I am so hateful towards her. She said her reasoning for taking the pictures was because she thought that we would want to remember that moment and to her it wasn't a big deal and she didn't see the point of getting upset.

Once all this happened I decided I needed to distance myself from her and focus on my new family. My husband agreed with doing this as well.

Fast forward to about a week and a half ago. My husband and son had been sick for over a week. I was out doing errands and getting groceries. MIL asked me multiple times if I wanted anything from Sams Club. I would constantly tell her "no, but thank you." She was doing the same to my husband and he would also respond "no we are good thanks". I return home and my son was screaming. He hadn't slept all day. We all decided to try to nap. My husband finally falls asleep and I finally get my son to fall asleep. About 10 minutes later there is a knock on my door. My dog goes flying and barking her head off waking up my son. I answer the door and say "why are you here". She says I wanted to bring you a rotisserie chicken, a trash can, and laundry detergent. I told her we already said we didn't want anything and to not show up at our house unannounced and that next time she tries to give us random crap I will immediately return it to her we don't want anything from her. She got angry and said "she will never come over or speak to us again" and slammed the door. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Beautiful_Massacare on 2024-01-23 17:26:21+00:00.

I (30F) am allowing my son (8M) to have a birthday party with friends at the arcade that my husband and I will be paying for. My son invited five friends from his class. Some parents asked where their children's invitation was at. I explained that my son wanted only five friends there and that since I was paying for these kids to play games that we needed to limit it . Some parents have said that it's rude to not invite everyone . The teacher got involved and told parents that she can't force him to invite everyone and that what my son did was perfectly fine. But I need to know if AITAH?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Automatic_Bake_1355 on 2024-01-23 16:50:03+00:00.

My husband and I (53F and 56M) have a son (25M) who had been going out with a girl (30F) for about a year and a half. This girl came from a broken background, had been in prison and had an infant son. She'd gotten herself together before he was born, and got clean. While her child didn't belong to my son, he's always treated him like his own. Although the situation was pretty complex, I just wanted to support my baby. Our son still lives with us, while his GF and her boy live in a place their family owns.

Not long ago, I was doing housework when I got a call from my son. He was a mess and told me that his GF had passed away. Apparently she had gotten into the shower while drunk, fell and had died as a result of the fall. This was during a time where she had been supposed to be caring for her boy. My son had gone over (he has a key) and found her, as well as her boy still stuck in his high chair in the kitchen, starving.

I'm sure you can imagine but I was extremely shocked, and that was followed up by a feeling of intense anger for what her baby had gone through. None of us knew she drank anymore and apparently this was her relapsing.

Come the day of the funeral and I see my son holding his GF's son's little hand, and I was just so emotionally wounded for them. After the service, I approached my son and told him how upset I was, and that his GF had been selfish for relapsing and doing what she did with her baby there, and that she had been careless to get so blind drunk she ended up falling.

My son was mad and since then some of my family feel like I overreacted. I want to say that I didn't scream and yell the whole funeral, or refuse to go. It was just that moment where I let him in on my emotions. He hasn't spoken to me yet since then and I want to know, am I the asshole?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/rinx221 on 2024-01-23 16:16:35+00:00.

My uncle does odd jobs around farms to make some money, and I'm a zoology student who needs some experience to start applying for vet/zoo internships in a year or two, so he agreed to take me along to help shear some alpacas.

When we got in the barn there were around 60-70 alpacas in there. I noticed they all had a tight tubular "mask" on over their nose and mouth, like a thick sock. It looked pretty uncomfortable for them.

My uncle explained that the owners had put "spit masks" / "spit socks" on all the alpacas before our arrival and it was a common thing, and something he requested all clients to do before an alpaca shearing.

The goal is to deter them from spitting (since the spit will backfire) and to make sure you don't get spit on.

Well, I didn't think that was a very good justification for something like that. It looked stifling and uncomfortable for them, and the only benefit is avoiding spit?

During a break I checked on my phone and it said the only big problem with alpaca spit is that it can stink, it's not like it's harmful or anything. And they seemed well-behaved anyways. I was willing to risk a bit of spit to make the alpacas more comfortable.

So while my uncle was shearing, I removed the spit-mask from a couple of alpacas without him noticing. When he noticed, he got really angry and said "put those back on, what are you doing, do you want to be spit on?"

I said I wasn't too worried about it and I wanted what was best for the alpacas. He said "you have no clue what you're talking about, put them back on now."

I didn't see what the big deal was and said if anything it'd be me that got spat on from it, not him. He said "I'm the one who has to drive you home, do you have any idea what that will be like if it spits on you?"

I didn't do it again but I feel like he was overreacting and it was sort of contentious the rest of the time. We didn't talk much on the ride home and I get the feeling he won't be inviting me to further farm days.

It feels petty to me for him to be so worked up about me risking getting spit on (probably not even him) as if I couldn't clean up before driving home, I don't see what the big deal is. AITA?

tl;dr removed "spit mask" from alpacas while shearing since they seemed uncomfortable for the alpacas. Uncle got mad that I risked being spat upon.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/asyouwere_x on 2024-01-23 15:48:13+00:00.

I (F18) met my boyfriend, Niam (M22) a couple of months ago at uni. We clicked almost instantly and it felt like I've known him forever, we have similar interests and hobbies, not to mention that he is extremely attractive and a great musician (he's doing a degree in music tech, makes his own music in his spare time).

Another perk of being with him, is that he lives in an apartment close to the campus. I still live with my mum and my commute usually ends up being about an hour, involving a train AND a bus. It's such a treacherous journey, whereas with Niam, it is a fifteen minute drive.

Recently, Niam said that he had talked with his older brother (who he shares the apartment with) and he's agreed that I could move in if I wanted to, I obviously said yes.

For some context, my step-mum, Beatrice (F63) has been married to my dad (M60) for the past 16 years, she's always been there when I was growing up and I do usually see her as my main parent.

When I told my step-mum about the fact that I was going to be moving out soon, she got very upset. She said that she doesn't approve of me moving in with Niam. When pressed about it, she said that he's not a responsible person because he's already got two kids (clearly my older sister has started gossiping to her about him), he's got a bit of a reputation for being rough, and she argued that the apartment isn't adequate.

I argued back that Niam is responsible, and that he's only seen as rough because he is working-class and has a regional accent. Plus, the apartment is adequate, it is a floor in an old Victorian house but he and his brother have decorated it in a way that makes it look like some kind of 70's hippie lair - it's not like they neglect it. In the end, I told her that her opinion is irrelevant and that I only told her I was moving out out of courtesy.

She's been upset ever since, and has been saying that she only wants the best for me and it's hurtful to just throw it back in her face.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/No_Jellyfish1556 on 2024-01-23 15:04:28+00:00.

My friend, Chris and I have known each other since middle school. We became very close in high school. We are 25 now. He has only had one short term relationship years and years ago. And has been unsuccessful overall. Fast forward to almost 2 years now, he has a girlfriend who I can’t stand frankly.

He met her off tinder, and at first all of us were so happy for him. Since he spent years chasing after me when I told him, I didn’t like him that way, but he insists that I gave him mixed messages. For a while, I thought it was just a crush. But I guess it was more than that as he used to send me love letters and wanted to listen to my problems and help me out with everything. Maybe the lines could have been blurry idk.

From the first time I met her, I’ve tried to be nothing but nice to her. But there was just this weird energy about her. I guess the first thing that threw me off is the fact that she’s not super outgoing like all of us. Every time he brings her around, she won’t hang around the girls of the group during concerts. And only hangs by him like a lost puppy. She doesn’t ask about us, or wanna get to know us and only talks to people who talk to her first.

I guess after she found out about him being obsessed with me, she has an issue with me. She doesn’t talk to me, hang out with me, and just really acts shady. Like they’ve been together all this time, we don’t know anything about her.

Overtime, Chris began to get more and more distant with me. Until I asked him what the problem was. He told me that I wasn’t good for him, I broke his heart, and his girlfriend is the most important person in his life now.

A few weeks later, I see them at a show, and I go up to his girlfriend when Chris is in a different part of the building. I told her that she makes everybody in the group uncomfortable, I don’t want Chris, and just pretty much everything I said here. Trying to squash the beef. She wasn’t having it and told me she wasn’t being disrespectful she was “just existing” and walked away.

He texted me the next day after she told him, and he was so mad at me for saying that. But she blew it all out of proportion.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Mentally_breaking_07 on 2024-01-23 13:09:43+00:00.

Growing up in a family of four with my (41) F mom, (42) M dad, two younger siblings and I (20) F. life gets tricky, especially dealing with my (8) M brother. Right from the time he could talk, my mom started giving him whatever he wanted whenever he threw a tantrum. I put up with it at first, hoping the tantrums would stop, but things just got worse over time.

No matter how much I tried to tell my parents, especially my mom, to stop babying him, it felt like they weren't listening. I even suggested she let him learn to eat with a spoon on his own when he was 4, but now, at 8, he still makes a huge mess when he eats – standing up, watching TV, and leaving rice all over the place. My mom complains, but nothing really changes.

In 2019, my mom had another baby, my youngest brother, who's now 4. I tried my best to make sure he didn't end up like his older brother – While I wasn't perfect at teaching, my youngest sibling is way more disciplined. He knows how to eat nicely, say sorry when he messes up, and take care of himself, unlike his older brother who still needs a lot of help.

Now, let me tell you about this recent incident. My (8) M brother was building a pillow fort, taking up all the pillows, and I was cool with that – he's still a kid. But my youngest brother just wanted one pillow to lay on while watching something on my phone. I knocked on my bedroom door to grab something, and my brother got mad, saying, "I’m not letting you in because I’m punishing you."

Before all that happened, earlier I tried to explain that our youngest brother just wanted to play, but he wouldn't listen. He kept shouting, so I took our youngest brother out of the room. Later, I asked my brother to open the door, promising to take only one pillow. Instead, he threw a huge tantrum, yelling that I was "destroying it." I promised to find another way to get the pillow without ruining his fort, but he kept shouting.

Then, my mom showed up without even asking what happened, she started yelling at me to stop. So, I just focused on feeding my youngest brother his dinner that they brought. But instead of figuring out what went down, my mom told me to apologize. I found it ridiculous, and I laughed silently, wondering why I should say sorry when I didn't do anything wrong.

My mom got even more upset, shouting, "Just say you're sorry! How hard is that? Be reasonable." Feeling the pressure, I said sorry in a sarcastic way. She wasn't buying it and insisted on a real apology. I resisted at first but eventually gave in to avoid making things worse.

But my mother still went on saying that I am an asshole. So am I?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/InternationalBug9601 on 2024-01-23 11:45:04+00:00.

My bf (27M) and I (22F) have been in a long-distance relationship for 2 years now and we talk/call daily. We have a set time everyday to call so we avoid scheduling anything during that time as much as possible.

I'm flying out on Friday for a competition in which my team and I will be representing our university. During this time, I won't be able to talk to him at all for the next several days (phone policies + being busy with the competition). Thursday at our usual time is the last time we would be able to call before I leave.

This is where the problem started... After I told him how I wouldn't be able to talk to him for several days and how Thursday would be the last time, he asked to call earlier in the day on Thursday (mind you, I have classes/office hours earlier so this makes things very hard, at least to talk our usual amount of time). I was confused so I asked him why. He said that a video game was coming out during the time we usually start calling and that he'd like to play it then.

I started arguing with him saying he can wait an hour and a half until I have to leave to begin playing. I didn't see why he had to start playing it the literal second it came out. He argued back saying that he'd been waiting for this game for years and that he wanted to play as much as possible before he went back to work (he goes back the day I come back. In other words, he has nothing to do all day except game while I'm gone). I explained that he can play as much as he wants while I'm gone and he'll have extra time especially because we won't be talking like usual. But he's completely refusing to budge on this. He says that he offered to call earlier that day and if that doesn't work for me then we simply won't call at all.

Honestly, I was very angry. He knows how much time and energy I put into this. He knows that I am extremely nervous considering it's the first time I've ever flown out for a school competition. He knows that I've never been a captain before and that this is a really huge deal to me.

I accused him of prioritizing the video game over me and he just agreed to it and didn't really see the problem. He says whenever I miss a call, that I've prioritize something else over him but I don't really see how that makes sense? If he ever told me he needed me or was not okay with me not calling, I would 100% cancel to talk to him (unless it was something I literally can't get out of).

He said he was done talking about this and that his decision was final and I'd have to deal with it and then he hung up on me. I messaged him back asking what the fuck his problem was and now he's mad at me for swearing.

AITA?

EDIT: Not sure why I'm being spam downvoted for random replies I make. Like if I say he will be asleep so it's not possible to call, like why even? I'm just providing context for the situation :/

EDIT 2: I don't know what game it is. All I know is that he is playing on his own. We had no conversation about this game before

EDIT 3: This is not a vacation, this is a competition. We have a schedule that we have to adhere to, there are rules we have to adhere to. I didn't make these rules, I'm just forced to follow them. Not doing so can result in disqualifications. For those saying it's ridiculous that I can't spare an hour a day to call during it: I am able to call once I got back to the hotel! He will be asleep during that time due to time zone differences though so it's not possible in the end. I literally can't at any other time.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/CommonCoat6344 on 2024-01-23 09:21:41+00:00.

The title sounds dramatic but it’s technically the truth anyway please read the whole story!

To start I’m 16f and a year ago my family moved into a new area so I had to make some friends. I met a girl “Kylie” who’s also 16 and she introduced me to her friend group. We quickly became closer as we have shared interests.

I also befriended a girl “Lisa” who’s 15 and who was Kylie’s bff. Lisa confessed that she has a crush on Kylie but Kylie is straight and has a bf. Lisa is a lesbian btw.

Another girl from our group “Diana” also 16 is the most social out of us and she is a part of 2 friends groups. So we kinda merged the groups and started talking all together because a girl from Diana’s group “Allie” (15) started dating Lisa and they kissed a few times.

Since I’m bffs with Lisa now she confessed that she and Allie steal from shops. I went to the mall with Lisa and Allie and they stole a pair of jeans and also 2 t shirts. I was uncomfortable with them stealing and also doing PDA and so I excused myself.

Turns out most of the girls in both friends groups know that Lisa and Allie steal and some have stolen as well. Like they have a second gc where they would share what they stole and discuss stealing tactics and plans to which shop to go. I disapprove of this behaviour because they may get in trouble for that and get me in trouble too. I confronted Lisa and she told me to not tell Kylie about it as Kylie’s parents are police officers. Now I think that I'm the asshole.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Left_Lunch2044 on 2024-01-23 04:17:01+00:00.

I have three kids: Annie 25F, Ben 23M and Cal 17M. When Annie was going to college, she got an offer from her dream college.

Unfortunately they didn’t offer enough financial aid that meant it was viable for her to attend, so she settled for her backup, still an Ivy League, but she was upset for sometime about not being able to attend her dream college. At the time, me and my husband couldn’t support her at the dream school as we had crazy overhead costs. We did contribute what we can, but asked Annie to work part time.

Even after the financial aid, Annie worked a job to go towards her rent and this has meant her studies suffered. She had to defer some of her classes to sit them in the summer. She has now since graduated and landed a good job.

Ben wasn’t fussed about where he got into and he did well at high school, and got a full ride scholarship, so we didn’t pay for his tuition. Occasionally I sent him money to spend on himself.

Cal is my youngest and as its been a few years since Annie went to college, me and my husband are in a better financial position to support where he wants to go. Cal got many offers and picked his first choice. He was eligible for some financial aid, but the majority will be out of pocket. As we didn’t contribute for Ben’s tuition, we are able to send Cal to a more prestigious school.

When Cal announced this news at a family dinner, Annie got upset that Cal gets to go to his dream school and accused us of favourites. I tried explaining the situation was different, we can afford it now, as we didn’t pay for Ben so can use it on Cal. We set aside equal 1/3rds for the kids, but as our kids have grown, our savings for the youngest two have increased. AITA?

eta- We did sponsor some on Annie’s masters program cost. So in my head

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/throwawaybripart on 2024-01-23 00:45:43+00:00.

My son J (M25) is engaged to a woman D (F24/25). In D’s culture it’s traditional for the mother-in-law (me) to throw a party for the bride. J said to me that he’d really appreciate it if I did so and it would “make D feel like part of the family”. The issue I have with this is threefold. First of all, D’s mother is already throwing her a bridal shower. Throwing her a second one would just be repetitive. Second of all, J and I are not even part of D’s culture, and I wouldn’t feel comfortable taking part in activities like that for risk of offending or appropriating her culture. Third of all, and this is where I fear I’ll come across as an asshole, D isn’t part of the family, not until she and my son are wed. So it feels wrong to me to celebrate her as a family member when, let’s be honest, she isn’t.

I laid this all out to J, who had basically no reaction at first. He just sat and listened for my reasons. Afterwards he shrugged and went “alright then”. This conversation happened a couple weeks ago, and since then he’s been avoiding me. Even when we talk things are stiff. I figured he was upset about something I said during that talk so we talked about it last night. I asked him how he felt about what I said and whether I upset him. I’m paraphrasing he essentially said that he wasn’t surprised, but just disappointed.

He said that he wasn’t surprised because my husband and I never threw him parties, we never celebrated his achievements or anything and it was disappointing to hear that that extended to D as well. I was kind of struck dumb by this because yes, my husband and I are not celebratory people by nature, but we always showed him to the best of our ability that we loved him. To that end I said I’d be willing to compromise in a way, and said that after the wedding and their honeymoon I’d love to take D out to lunch or dinner with my friends and just get some girl time with her.

He was very upset by now and said that that wasn’t what this is about and stormed off. Whatever civility we’ve had before is gone now. I truly feel like I’ve extended an olive branch and he’s swatting it away. AITA for this?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/LeatherDonut8436 on 2024-01-22 19:34:07+00:00.

Original Title: AITA for consistently asking to exchange the gifts that my brother gets me, as well as, wanting to exchange a drone he got me for Christmas? My family has called me selfish, inconsiderate, and ungrateful everytime

For the past three years, my brother (25 M) and I (22 M) have exchanged Christmas/B-day gifts. We live in Canada and with the housing crisis, moving out isn't really an option. This year, he surprised me with a drone. I Spent $100 on a white Nike cap, brown Raptors Toque, Hat Organizer, and Leafs lanyard. He's always stressed about misplacing his hats and wants more of my style.

I was shocked when I opened the drone gift. I was also worried that it was very expensive, so I asked how much he spent. He reassured me that he spent a similar amount.

However, I couldn't shake off the disappointment and anxiety, as I felt the drone wasn't something I'd use. I feel like he always gets me things that he wants for himself. My brother admitted in front of me, my mom, and his girlfriend that the gifts he buys me are also something he can wear and use.

I acted happy and grateful but my girlfriend sensed my discomfort, knowing this is something my brother would love and that I’ve never shown any interest in.

Some Examples (you could skip this):

1. He gave me bright Red 550 New Balances. He already has the exact same for himself in blue “he liked both so much and couldn’t pick so he got the red ones for me” - I eventually asked for a receipt to make an exchange, no receipt and he has worn them.
2. One b-day he gave me Purple Vans with a “One Piece” design (this is his favourite anime). I enjoy the show but I've NEVER worn anything like this (I have a very minimalistic style, I can provide a link to the shoes). This 100% was something he wanted for himself (no receipt provided). At the time, I felt really bad bc I knew I wouldn't wear the shoes and he would notice. I thanked him for the gift but told him how I felt. I then asked him to keep the vans (he was very happy and wears them everyday), while I kept my gift to him - a custom “One Piece” poster of his favourite character (he wanted posters for his room this year).

For the past 3 years it's just been more of the same. I feel he doesn't put in effort, I ask for a receipt, and my family calls me ungrateful. While my gifts are always so personal to him.

My girlfriends noticed this trend and how increasingly rude he's been with me over the years. I don't feel close with him - like she does with her younger brother (4 years apart, we're 3). My gf asked me to make this post bc I've been extremely conflicted

My parents call me ungrateful. Sometimes I think my brother gets me stuff he likes, thinking I'd like it too. However, it's difficult to communicate with my brother. He reacts angrily to simple requests for advice. He says he's a responsible older brother but I don’t even feel close with him. I can give more examples of other shitty things he does

So, am I being the asshole by always asking for a receipt? And would I be the asshole again, if I ask to return the drone? I know that it will cause an argument/greater rift between us, and how my parents would react.

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Wernner77 on 2024-01-22 19:08:06+00:00.

My wife(29F) and I(29M) decided to go to my side of the family for Thanksgiving. We asked what they wanted us to bring and they told us no that the food was going to be ordered in instead. They asked for $100 from each family and it seemed a little high to us but we said whatever and gave it.

A couple days before Thanksgiving I texted them and asked what they would order and it was something my wife I didn't eat and they reused to change it so I had to play the pregnant card in order for them to changed the food hey did but reluctantly. A day before Thanksgiving I asked what time the food was getting picked up and what time we should be there. They told us to be there at 6:30 because they were picking up the food at 6. So when they day of Thanksgiving came we decided to take our son to the park for a bit and do some chores.

Around 4:30 I get a call from my mom telling to to go now because they picked up the food early and everyone is there already. None of us was ready we all needed to shower and shower our 4 year old. So between them not wanting to accommodate for the food to the point of having to pull the pregnancy card but then they picked up the food early.

So I decided to text them and tell them to give me my money back because we didn't want to go eat cold or reheated food for thanksgiving while everyone else already ate. So AITA for asking for my money back and spending it with just my wife and son?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/Realistic_House957 on 2024-01-22 17:49:43+00:00.

I'm a stepmom to two teenage stepkids who are 16M and 17F. I have lived with them they were 3 and 4 years old and I officially became their stepmom when they were 6 and 7. 18 months before our wedding my husband was granted sole custody of his children and that was the last time they saw their mother. She was not a good one and they have been in ongoing therapy since, though in recent years therapy has been less frequent and they are doing better.

The kids and I have a good relationship but my relationship with them is different to the one my husband has with them. It's not your traditional parent-child relationship. It's not considered the ideal stepparent-stepchild relationship. But it's a relationship based on love and trust.

I approached this relationship as being about the kids and what they needed and wanted and not what anyone else needed and wanted. I'm a former foster kid. My relationship with my genetics donors are very much the same as my stepkids with their mother. So I get them far better than most people will. I understand in a way my husband never will. And they talk to me openly because of that, in a way they don't talk with their dad. But they also talk to him in a way they don't talk to me.

The problem we have is my husband's family do not understand my relationship with my stepkids. I have told them before I am happy with how things are and just want the kids to be okay. But instead of listening to me they judge and blame the kids and decided to take it out on them. I was out with mine and my husband's children one day and got home to my stepkids and my husband's parents and siblings in the house and my husband's family shaming the kids for not calling me mom, for not treating me like a parent, for acting as though I'm "some pet who is their possession". MIL told the kids they should be ashamed to have spent all this time with me and only call me by my name and refer to me as their dad's wife. She told them even stepmom is an insult to everything I have done for them. She told them they didn't deserve me and to still call "that woman" their mother but not to call me mom after all this time is disgusting. My husband's sister claimed they shit all over me.

I sent my kids upstairs and interrupted my ILs and made it very clear that I did not appreciate them coming into our home and saying such harsh things to my stepkids. I told them they needed to lay off because what those kids have been through is something they will never understand but I do and I am okay with it. I told them they had no right to treat people so young this way. I was angry and it was easy to see. My ILs were so very unhappy with how I spoke to them and were offended I was mad at them and made them leave. My husband had my back. My stepkids were grateful I stepped in. But I was accused of setting a bad example by losing my temper and showing such disrespect for people who were trying to support me.

AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/forwardintothat on 2024-01-22 16:48:38+00:00.

I’m kind of torn here, and I’m not sure if I’m just being bitter.

So I (25 F) had my first baby with my husband (29 M) back in August. She’s a good baby for her age, isn’t colicky and loves to play. However, she’s never been great with naps and she won’t take more than a 30 minute nap at a time. She sleeps a solid twelve hours at night so we know she’s getting enough sleep, it’s just hard sometimes to get anything done during the day, and it’s especially hard to put her down for a nap. From the beginning, my husband and I had discussed me going back to work. He teleworks 100% of the time, and I telework 50% of the time, because my job requires me to be in the field some days. I thought we were on the same page about this until today, when I had to go back to work.

My husband was pouting this morning. I asked him what was wrong, and he sighed, stating “do you really have to go back to work?” I was confused, because we’d talked about this already, and I’d been reminding him my maternity leave was ending so this shouldn’t have been a shock. We’d also worked out us being the primary caretaker of our daughter every other day (when I’m teleworking I’ll watch her) and I thought this was fair. He then proceeded to go on and on about “what if I get fired” and “how will I have time to work” and empathized that I should just be a stay at home mom.

This is where I start to get frustrated. I have been caring for my daughter 95% of the time since her birth. When she was a newborn my husband used to leave me by myself with her so that he could go off to DJ somewhere, or go over to his friends house to make music. I was the one waking all the time, every night, to care for her. I was the one that did all the regressions, growth spurts, and leaps. My husband, in my opinion, has had it easy with our daughter up until now because I’m not around to jump in when he decides things are getting too hard for him to deal with. It’s even in his job description that he’s allowed to do childcare while he’s working so that’s not even a good excuse.

Now where I may be the AH is that ultimately, this isn’t our infant daughter’s fault. She can’t feed or put herself to sleep on her own and I’m worried she’s going to be all out of wack from him caring for her because he doesn’t always pay attention, he’s relied on me to watch her. Now I don’t know if I should just quit my job so I can watch her. I guess what I’m saying is I may be an AH because my daughter needs me, if that makes sense. AITA?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/p19292 on 2024-01-22 16:35:23+00:00.

My (23M) daughter (6) (judge me all you want about my age, I know I was stupid) was invited by one of her friends to an all girls birthday event with the rest of her friends (7 other girls) next week. Naturally all of the moms are going for their daughters but the issue is that i'm a single parent.

When the birthday girl's mom dropped off the invitations she mentioned that I wouldn't need to come and that she and the other moms would take good care of my daughter. I told her that I wanted to be there for her as her parent and she simply gave me her number to discuss it later. When I had time to call her back I explained that I just wanted to be there just in case something happebed or if she'd need me but the mom stated again that she'd make sure my daughter would be alright. The first part of the birthday event would take place at our local mall where there is a bounce house type of place they will be playing at and then they'd eat there and go back to the birthday girl's house for the rest of the festivities.

I told the mom that I would at least want to be there for the mall portion of the day and drop her off at her house after as i'd imagine it would be hectic managing a large group of little girls in public even with their parents there. I also feel like each parent would naturally worry about their child first before worrying about mine. She told me to please consider it some more as it was an all girls event and did not explain further

WIBTA if I keep insisting to be there for at least the mall portion of the day?

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The original was posted on /r/amitheasshole by /u/HugeStrategy6184 on 2024-01-22 16:35:21+00:00.

I have a stepdaughter that is getting married. I have never been seen as her dad, she has made that extremely clear when she was growing up and more. I had two other step-kids besides her which got along well with me and they agreed to let me adopt them. I’m just gonna call those two the kids.

My stepdaughter to this day have a rough relationship. She still makes it clear I am not her dad even if her siblings view me as such.

My son got married and I paid for his wedding, my stepdaughter is getting married and she asked me to pay for her wedding. I told her no and when I did that for her brother it was a gift from his father. I am not her dad and I highly doubt I would be walking her down the aisle.

She called me a jackass. My wife is torn and we came here.