You are literally describing narcissism. If they are incredibly important to you then you can hope they decide to pursue cognitive behavioral therapy but IRL you cannot make them fix this. Behavioral disorders are very hard to confront especially NPD because the person with it rarely sees the issue.
this post was submitted on 27 Jan 2025
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so this is just like textbook narcissism and not just an asshole?
Having a diagnosis doesn't excuse their actions. At best it explains them.
No one can diagnose someone on the internet but the things you list do seem to paint a rough sketch of a narcissist. Thing is, people can have narcissistic traits and still not meet the criteria for narcissistic personality disorder.
But it doesn’t really matter. The person you describe sounds like someone to be avoided, regardless of whether or not they qualify for NPD.
My ex was very much like the person OP describes. Narcissism was just the tip of the iceberg. I'm no doctor but she checks off all the boxes for borderline personality disorder. She was a menace and it took me way too long to realize.
That's not narcissism, don't take diagnoses from people in comment sections.
This is a severe self-esteem issue that manifests itself as inflated ego.
Im not a shrink but it seems like it. Like I said if it isn't someone you are close to and have to have in your life I would move on.
If this is your actual problem rather than someone else then you need to talk with a therapist specializing in cognitive behavioral therapy. That road is long and difficult but you might end up happier after a few years.
she’s actually my “close friend” but I don’t consider her that for obvious reasons
Move on, people on the NPD spectrum don't understand theor problem and you cannot do that for them.
yeah, she either apologizes because she “can’t control herself” or blames me
The Narcissist's Prayer
That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it.
YES. This is how she behaves!!
Note if they are a teenager they might grow out of this. If you are 30 run for the fucking hills
i can be hopeful then, im a teen
They could outgrow it but if this is consistent at 19-20 it us unlikely to change but 13-18 yeah it might.
nothing they do is ever their fault, and what I do is never good enough for them
yeah, makes sense.
I'd like to link two vids from a youtube channel which depicts neurodivergent behaviour in an accessible way. Note that these most definitely are not check lists or a diagnostic tool
Pixie-gags Sociopathy & Narcism
One of my friends acts almost exactly like this.
He is not an awful human being, but he isn't the greatest either.
I've learned that he has to reach conclusions on his own and will seldom accept advice or constructive criticism. Sometimes it takes literal years for him to come to the same reasonable conclusion to a problem that I offered to him.
He is a brat. The culture he came from allows the eldest male in the family to act out however they want because they will become the leader of the family later on. So it's best to let them do what they want in fear of later retaliation.
But seriously...he is an entitled brat. Love the dude, but reality just hits him differently.
First, I want to point out how much I HATE when people throw around the term narcissist for any general run of the mill asshole.
That being said, this person sounds like a narcissist.
Reminds me of my mom. And it took me about 30 years to figure that one out! Like you said, "they’re not a completely TERRIBLE person despite how they treat me." It's not easy to give up on someone that you are close to. Especially when, that other person is NOT MENTALLY ABLE to know that they did something wrong. They are shocked that you would overreact in such a way, after all that they've done for you! And they'll remind you of the time YOU messed up, and besides, it wasn't their fault anyway, you misunderstood/ can't take a joke / shouldn't listen to those liars who told you that.
There's no hope here. Only pain. You can never show them the light, if you try to explain how they hurt you, they'll get upset because you're "being so mean to them". And by the end of that conversation, you somehow end up apologizing to them. And wondering how the hell you ended up in this situation AGAIN.
Trying to teach them how to feel regret or guilt is like trying to teach someone paralyzed from the neck down how to walk. They just can't do it, and insisting that they could if they just listened is just going to piss everyone off.
Hope my ramblings helped some. I'm sorry you're in this position.
People with NPD have to see they have an issue and want to change. Most never do
I'm convinced they are unable to. They don't choose to ignore it, their mind never lets them know.
Yes, it is only when you realize that people don’t want to engage with you that you realize you might be the problem. Most never realize that.
ME TOO, tbh. Or “bipolar” for anyone who changes their mind a lot. I’m sorry you knew someone like this 🫂
Sounds like a perfect personality. Presidential material, even.
They're a narcisistic psychopath. You need to cut that person from your life.
I don’t thibk you can call them a psychopath as the onpy thing they are describing is NPD
Agreed. This is not normal teenager behavior
Oh, adults do it too. It's just as bad with them.
This person sounds scary
Makes sense 😓
Based on what I’ve seen, they sound like they could have narcissistic traits. They do sound a bit spoiled but I think it’s more than that. I’m glad you care besides their mistreatment of you/others
Sounds like classic Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). I loathe saying that because people throw the word around for any rude behavior. Don't listen to me, here's the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual 5 (DSMV) official description:
as signified by the existence of any 5 of the next 9 standards (American Psychiatric Association, 2013):
- A grandiose logic of self-importance
- A fixation with fantasies of infinite success, control, brilliance, beauty, or idyllic love
- A credence that he or she is extraordinary and exceptional and can only be understood by, or should connect with, other extraordinary or important people or institutions
- A desire for unwarranted admiration
- A sense of entitlement
- Interpersonally oppressive behavior
- No form of empathy
- Resentment of others or a conviction that others are resentful of him or her
- A display of egotistical and conceited behaviors or attitudes
I would add:
- An inability to admit they are wrong under any circumstance.
Perhaps the other line items cover that?
My mother hit hard on 4-6 of those items, so I do have some experience with the type. Sometime in my early 40s I realized I had never heard the woman admit to being wrong, or state an apology, ever, not once. Kinda freaked me out to muse on that.
I have no idea how to help such a person. How do you help someone whose very personality hinges on the idea that they're already perfect? It would be telling to have them read the above and see if they find any of that in themselves. No? LOL, that's a clue.
I love that we both posted pretty much the exact same thing at the same time. Are you my brother? 😂
Your added bit is inaccurate and would cause people with NPD to overlook their problem because many can admit being wrong when indisputably proven so.
There no helping them now. They were already elected president...
What? No, they're talking about......huh.......I mean, I guess that's true. Everything this person said applys to trump, and I see nothing disqualifying the fact that they WEREN'T talking about trump.
I guess I just......I still haven't accepted that 2016 actually happened. It still feels like a very fake tv show. It doesn't help that it's basically the plot to Back To The Future 2. It felt like a rerun happening in real time, which is what this feels like now.......
........can someone get me on the REAL timeline? I'd just love to not be here in this reality. At all. In any way.
Ffs go look at this poster's history. If this post is about anyone, it's probably themselves.
They just seem like a young teen who posts advice. Maybe OP’s friend is Trump
I don't see where you're getting this. All I see are tons of posts from a (inappropriately for social media) young lesbian who only has lesbian and bi friends who need all kinds of advice.
I'm a little surprised no one questioned why one of the young teen lesbian couples is apparently regularly spending the night together such that snoring is an issue.
I’m not sure if they were regularly spending the night or just sleeping over