this post was submitted on 20 Mar 2025
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Funny: Home of the Haha

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[–] [email protected] 12 points 13 hours ago (6 children)

Cant believe im posting this.

Octopuses do not have any bones with the exception of their beaks. so if you are responsible and depraved enough to be literally the life support of your 8 limbed friend, you can debeak it like how you'd declaw a cat and then push your member into it's feed chute.

You can then let it subsist on your baby batter.

The Octopus is smart. Very smart. It will learn that without it's beak, it cannot feed on anything else but your human seed that has to be milked from you.

Every morning, you will feel your clothes slide off and a damp weight on your lower half.

The sensation creeps up your body until most of the jiggly mass has enveloped the entire length. It will start pumping as fast as it can for it is hungry.

The animal gyrates its empty stomach and the folds of its brain rubbing on your glans, begging for nutrition.

You climax and give the marine creature's breakfast. The pumping slows down but doesn't stop to milk out the last few drops of its meal.

Looking into its yellow animal eyes, it looks back with a thousand-yard stare. This will be routine for all of its meals for the rest of it's 3-5 years on this god forsaken planet.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 13 hours ago

I can't believe I just read this. And don't want to ask where it came from

[–] [email protected] 11 points 13 hours ago

Found The Deep

[–] [email protected] 7 points 12 hours ago

New tentacle kink dropped.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 12 hours ago

Sometimes I like not being human

[–] [email protected] 1 points 14 hours ago

On other things fish, some fish are more than 8" long, self lubricating and relatively round.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 day ago (2 children)

This makes me think the idea my coworker and I had to start our own business would be really profitable. We both have experience with mold making. And sex toys are a huge industry. What is an underrepresented category we could make a market for? Fish.

Fuck-A-Fish we would call it. Fleshlite-esque fish to bang. All different kinds. Realistically modeled and painted. And we would have a whole line of products to use with them. Like Love Chum, a textured lubricant.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 13 hours ago

Fishlite was right there dude.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 day ago

He's just going to insert a cylinder into the fish. Note, the cylinder canNOT be cut. That's why he wants no teeth.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 day ago

Please do not the fish

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Probably some kind of baleen whale. Really don't want to stick your dick in that.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 14 hours ago

Sandiego!...translated to whale's vagina.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 day ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 day ago

I don't think the guy looking to buy a fish to fuck will care to much about the taxonomy.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago

Haha! Derpy doo. Brain not present.

[–] [email protected] 112 points 1 day ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 40 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Ah, that legendary character

[–] [email protected] 3 points 13 hours ago

I was looking for this, I knew it would arrive.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 1 day ago (5 children)
[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Code Geass. The text is supposedly from a bad fan translation.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

"Supposedly" implies it could be legit.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 1 day ago

I will now tell people code greass is that anime where someone does not want to fuck a fish.

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[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 day ago (1 children)

next question: how can I remove a cylinder from a fish

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago

Fish might be choking

[–] [email protected] 71 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (4 children)

Stupid question.

But whats the fish with the rather mediocre sized mouth and no teeth?

[–] [email protected] 3 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

A guppy will fit you well.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

I do Not want to have intercourse with a fish im Just curious

[–] [email protected] 33 points 2 days ago

Asking for a friend

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[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago

quagmire, is that you?

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago

TBF he might just want a pet without risk of finger loss.

[–] [email protected] 45 points 2 days ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 24 points 2 days ago

Asking for a friend. The friend is his penis

[–] [email protected] 12 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Assuming a liberal definition of fish (I doubt this guy cares about scientific classifications), that would be a blue whale

[–] [email protected] 9 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Just like to point out, there is no scientific definition of fish. It doesn't make sense from a evolutionary perspective (many types of fish are evolved from land animals and vice versa).

However if you categorize it as animals that with gills, you lose a bunch of animals typically considered fish like several species of amphibious fish, while including many animals not typically considered fish, like several frogs. Then there is of course lungfish with both lungs and gills, and fish with other breathing organs entirely.

Many biologist therefore argue that even whales should be considered fish despite being mammals, i don't remember the exact reasoning though, but i think it's related to evolution and the clade(s) they belong to.

Sorry for pulling the "um ashtuly" card, just a big autistic nerd.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 18 hours ago

So, which one has large mouth and no teeth?

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Land animals are land fish. You can not evolve out of a clade, therefore all land creatures are cladistically a type of fish, as well as land animals that became water animals again.

I'm a fish, you're a fish, we're all fish. And worms!

If the subset of cladists that don't think that's true have a problem with it they should reconsider whether they actually like cladistics, because they're rejecting evolution to deny it and embracing vibe based classification which kind of defeats the whole point.

But, of course, that's the thing with clades, it's all relative. Yes, we're all fish/worms, but generally speaking when someone's talking about fish vs whales you know they're talking about those loser fish who never left the ocean vs the land chads who went back to the ocean solely to bully them because the distinction is useful.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 day ago

Hell yeah! Fuck paraphyletic groups!

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 day ago (3 children)

I would like to know where you could reasonably buy a blue whale. That would be amazing.

[–] [email protected] 3 points 18 hours ago

Scotland, apparently:

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

My god, it's John McAfee!

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