For real, even the work of opting out seems exhausting. Can I just stop being already.
this post was submitted on 15 Feb 2025
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me_irl
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In the beginning the universe was made. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.
Wants
by Phllip Larkin
Beyond all this, the wish to be alone:
However the sky grows dark with invitation-cards
However we follow the printed directions of sex
However the family is photographed under the flag-staff -
Beyond all this, the wish to be alone.
Beneath it all, the desire for oblivion runs:
Despite the artful tensions of the calendar,
The life insurance, the tabled fertility rites,
The costly aversion of the eyes away from death -
Beneath it all, the desire for oblivion runs.
Passive morbid ideation vs suicidal ideation.
Yep. I don’t want to kill myself. But sometimes I fantasise about a heart attack or something finishing me off.
I want to have never experienced existence so I won't know what I am missing when I no longer exist.
I also don't want to experience the pain of dying. I just want to not be alive.
Even that's not entirely true. I want to live. I want to exist. Just not here, on Earth.
Totally unrelated, but how do you get a username like that.
The "display name" field accepts emojis and other funky stuff that the username itself doesn't.
ok thnx
"I don't wanna die. I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all."
I don't wanna die I just want to be dead. What's so hard to understand?!
Would be pretty dope if I could snap fingers out of existence
I want this superpower so bad
It works be even more dope of you left my goddamn fingers alone.
Be me passing a graveyard.
I'm just looking for a way to get my brain preserved and out of here 🧠 🤖
I don't even need it preserved. Like just delete me.
I mean sure.
It's just escapism on my part. And if we're honest, with whoever would do it with today's technology it would probably turn out the same way. EDIT: Schrödinger's brain
We are legion, we are Bob.
I probably wouldn't do copies though, original brain is my priority. I would really need to trust/respect the organization requesting it, it'd need a really good reason, and I'd need assurances.
Long known but never read that series though, I have aphantasia (on top of other things) so am not much of a reader.
Ah I see. Does that affect audio books as well? I imagine yes
I mean that would lower the bar for the activity itself (+multitasking), though I am not gonna buy or use a service and I suspect audiobooks are likely a big chunk of data too (esp. if uncompressed).
Unless speech synthesis is something that could work well here (assuming decent voice, I don't mind older tech like DECtalk or macintalk that sounds better than some newer offline TtS options). Even that seems like it'd need some community effort, though (like manual phoneme editing).
So I'm not sure on that one. Probably not going to look into it.
For world-building, I liked Farscape for the Leviathans. One stretch of hell aside, it is a much better interpretation of biomechanical life than the standard dreary tubes-and-brain-only of most media (that is if they can even properly tell the difference between a cyborg and a robot). So that has really shaped my view on it, I'd want more microbiomes (and connection with other types of living cells) not less.
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I feel a therapist should very easily understand such a simple distinction.
He understands, he's just working out if you're lying about not wanting to.
Yea, I feel a lot of people think therapists are doing a bad job when they "don't believe you" when all they're doing is trying to figure out if you're one of the lying "I'm definitely suicidal :D shoots self next day" types.
I've suffered from chronic ideation pretty much my whole life and I'm reasonably confident that I don't want to and wouldn't actually attempt to kill myself. I've tried to make that clear to my therapist and for the most part I think he understands but whenever it comes up it's hard not to get annoyed at the time I feel like we're wasting talking about it.
That said, looking at it from his perspective, I can see why he'd want to get ahead of it and take it seriously. It might even be a matter of career security as I wouldn't be surprised if clients committing suicide can interfere with them getting their licenses renewed or something.
I have nothing but sympathy for your plight. I hope you feel better and the ideations are, at the very least, subdued. (Hopefully entirely eliminated at some point).
Only once was I in such a bad place to have ideations. I got out of that place and it's incredibly brave to experience that and continue on in spite of it. It's something that most people don't understand until they live through it at least once. I don't assume what worked for me would work for you. I am not a doctor or medical professional. I hope your medical support team has helped you and I hope they continue to help you.
All that being said, I'm the kind of person who doesn't have any strong feelings about ceasing to exist. I don't want to die; dying sounds like a horrible, painful, and unpleasant experience. I don't seek death at all, and thankfully, at least for now, I do not have any ideations. However, if I were to suddenly stop existing as a living person, I am not opposed to it as a concept.
For me, and people like me, it's more apathy and indifference to living, than it is a wanton desire to not be alive. The two are very very different.
None of this should diminish the fact that some struggle with a desire to continue to live at all. For those who fight those thoughts: please, get help if you have not already done so. There are people who care about you and want good things for you. If you can't bring yourself to do it for yourself, then do it for them. You are valuable. You are worthy.
All the best, from an Internet stranger.
Can relate totally. I always give an example of hopefully getting a cancer and dying but not commiting suicide.
gary
It was only his 200th week he just needed a little time to get used to the job /s
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I'm not afraid of dying by my own hands, I'm afraid I will survive it..
People survive all kinds of brain trauma, so that at least is just a bad idea.
Physics. An object at rest will remain so unless acted upon by another force.
You are the object. Your mind directs the action of your body. Your mind is ok being at rest. It feels good. Unless your spirit moves you beyond inaction you won’t do shit.
Direct communication isn't your strong suit.
lol I know
Me, but telling them why I don't want to commit suicide.
There's this 15 minute video on the topic. It's been a while since I watched it, but I think it was good.
Oh hey it's me.
Tangentially, that guy's eyes are creeping me the fuck out.
How did you get this picture of me?
Seriously though. If I die, I don't have any strong feelings about that. I do however, have strong feelings about how I die. I don't want to go out from some drug overdose, starvation, by getting crushed by gravity (fall damage), or in some violent crime.
But if I can just blink out of existence.... That's okay with me. Get hit by a train and turned into mist, okay. Seems oddly specific but I can go with it.... Snapped out of existence by Thanos. Awesome, seems like it should be painless.
Stabbed 47 times, in the street for the Nickles in my pocket? No thanks. That sounds horrible. Starving? Choking on my own vomit from a drug overdose? Getting shot and bleeding out on the sidewalk? Falling to my death? No thanks. All of those seem like really unpleasant and painful ways to die.
I don't actively seek death, but if it comes for me, I am a willing participant.
Disagree on the train part. Getting hit by a train is just getting crushed by gravity but sideways
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