Canada

Recently one of my opposite numbers, a columnist up in Vancouver, B.C., announced that he couldn’t take America anymore. He broke up with us.

“Goodbye, America,” wrote longtime Sun columnist Pete McMartin.

“Goodbye Bellingham, Seattle and Portland — how I’ll miss my Cascadian cousins with our shared Pacific sensibilities.”

“What was once so close has never been so far.”

McMartin, channeling the bitter mood of betrayal in Canada right now, said the heedless U.S. president is forcing all Canadians to make a choice — between being “vassals or enemies.”

“I’m choosing the latter,” he announced.

“So, goodbye America, it’s been nice knowing you, but I don’t know you anymore. I’ve reached that point in our relationship where any admiration I have had for you has been replaced by a new, angry resolve, which is: I won’t consort with the enemy.”

Ouch. The enemy? What can I say to that in return?

The awkward reality is I don’t know what to say to Canadians at this juncture in our shared history. On the Peace Arch at Blaine between our two countries, the inscription reads “Children of a Common Mother.” This feels then like the world’s biggest family breakup — with us as the cause.

Would it help, Canadians, if an American said he was embarrassed for America right now?

Would it count for anything if I pointed out that we were as blindsided as you by Donald Trump’s suggestion of annexing your country, and making it the 51st state? That he didn’t bring up his weird Canada animus until after he’d won the election?

No, that probably won’t help. The bitter truth is we knew Trump was impetuous. We knew he loves to bully his allies more than his enemies — witness how he relishes humiliating, say, GOP senators. And we knew he would act out the Ugly American shtick on the world stage. We elected him anyway.

Still, picking on … Canada? I think I speak for more than a few Americans when I say that the only people more baffled by this sudden choice of enemies than you, Canadians, was us.

So for what it’s worth, Canada, let me say that I admire how you’re rallying to our threat.

I loved how you mocked the idea of Trump requesting Canadian troops on the border by instead posting hockey sticks in the snow with googly eyes on them.

I love how everybody’s wearing “Canada is not for sale” hats.

I smiled at how a British Columbia coffee house has started a movement to change the name of the espresso drink “Americano” to “Canadiano.” Quiet acts of resolve matter, even silly ones.

I also like that there’s now a weekly protestoutside the U.S. Consulate in Vancouver, with signs like “Stop Him, Americans” and “Toque off, Trump.” And I endorse how your sports fans are lustily booing our national anthem. Atypical for you supposedly polite Canadians — but exactly what the times demand.

All this makes me envious, Canada. You’re behaving as we ought to be.

That we’re not protesting or booing right along with you blameless Canadians was the most wounding part of Mr. McMartin’s breakup note.

“Goodbye to my American friends,” he wrote. 

“Your silence and the silence of all Americans in response to this aggression leaves me disheartened. That silence speaks volumes. I — we — have heard you loud and clear how little our friendship as a country means to you.”

How can I explain this quiescence? I cannot.

I could report to you that people here are exhausted. I have readers in Seattle who write to me daily saying they no longer read the news, because they can’t take it anymore. It’s their way, I guess, of also saying goodbye.

I could tell you that some people here still regard Trump as a buffoonish cartoon figure not to be taken seriously. He won’t really try to annex Canada, they blithely say.

Or I could try to convince you that we’re only hibernating. That you just have to be patient, Canadians, as the old America you once knew, the one that famously does the right thing only after exhausting all other options, is about to burst onto the scene.

But I can’t honestly sell any of that right now. You got it right in your breakup note. You called us quiet cowards, which hurts because it’s true. We kicked up a million times more fuss when a transgender celebrity drank a Bud Light, or when they asked us to wear masks, than we are right now that our bonkers boss is threatening to economically crush, and then imperialistically occupy, our closest ally and friend.

As one Canadian wrote in response to McMartin’s goodbye:

“The United States is not what I once thought it was. Their true character — or lack of — is in clear view. I can think of excuses, but in the end, Americans had a choice, and this is the one they made.”

What can one say to that?

I have a friend in Canada who insists the main difference between Canadians and Americans is the apology. Canadians apologize two or three times before breakfast, he says, while you Americans won’t do it even after you’ve, say, invaded the wrong country.

So that’s what I got, Canadians. It’s bound to be small solace. It won’t end the tariffs or the takeover madness. It won’t “stop him.” But it’s the only thing I have from the heart to communicate that there are some down here who not only hear you, Canada, but who stand with you.

Which is to say: I’m sorry.

It didn't like my vpn.

No one in Canada is asking to be your number one priority.

We just want you to get angry and do something about all of the problems being brought about the fascist dictator your country elected, instead of sitting around and wringing your hands about it.

If you guys can reign in Trump then Canada will be fine. But if you don't then we're all fucked, north and south of the border.

The difference is, you're the ones in a position to stop him. We're not.

I just can't do a goddamn thing.

Not by yourself, no.

But thousands of people like you pushing in the same direction would be able to force change.

Just because he doing all that as well doesn’t mean he won’t get to it. Destroying things is easy work. Sometimes all it takes is not doing other things.