this post was submitted on 07 Apr 2025
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Fuck the Capitalist commodification of love.
Drop the dating apps & muster up the patience go do things & meet people irl instead.
I don't think I've ever met someone organically and then dated them
They say workplace relationships don't work and they're probably right, but the problem is that's the only place you ever meet anyone these days.
When you befriend the people at your workplace, you will also meet their friends.
That's wishful thinking. I might be befriendable, but I'm not fit to introduce to people.
Have you tried shitpost dating?
https://lemmy.world/post/27886845
When everyone in your workplace is a transplant, their friends are just other coworkers
Before you started working you meet people at school, well, take classes and meet people you don't work with!
meeting women is really easy if you're friends with women. they always have single friends who they'd be happy to introduce you to. obviously don't be friends with women just for this purpose though
That requires having time to be friends with and meet people
If you don't have time for friends you definitely don't have time for dating.
I asked out my coworker about a week ago.
I can't recommend against it enough.
Yeah I think that's common, but it's literally how we've been doing it since, well, forever.
Big Tech wants you to think it's scAAaRRrry BooOoOOo!
(I mean, tbf, sometimes it is. Also humiliating lol).
I have! Once, in highschool, it went poorly
Opposite for me. I've gone on plenty of first dates via apps, and a few second dates, but have only ever "dated" people that I happened to meet organically.
Honestly, I'm good. I never really used apps but I have had a lot of girlfriends through mutual friends and such. I'm just over it. I'm tired of romance and especially tired of sexuality. I just want to program computers.
Careful or you'll get exactly what you're asking for.
That's the goal, man. I would be happy to never have sex again. I always felt like it was more for her benefit than mine anyway.
Yes, I understand. But it's less about the sex & moreso the companionship. When you're 58 years old hanging out by yourself day in/day out, you may wish you'd put more effort into developing relationships.
Maybe not, I'm just saying.
I have sufficient companionship. Plenty of true friends who know and love the real me. I've been more fortunate in this than most people could hope to be if I'm being honest. I really think that when you take sex out of the equation, most of modern dating is a feeble attempt to foster this type of relationship. People are afraid to reveal their true self and so they seek one person they feel safe enough to do so with, when you can actually have this relationship with everyone you're close to if you're brave enough.
I love being friends with women but I don't love being romantically or sexually entwined with them. And I'm not attracted to men. So why pursue it? I socialize when I have the energy for it. In the rest of my free time, I want to write code.
Fuck capitalism for sure, but the apps can still work. I know happily married couples who met on tinder. Not saying that it's everyone's experience, but still. The more avenues people are open to the better sometimes.
We're a happily married couple who met through OkCupid, back when that was decent!
Honestly, OKC back in its heyday was the place to be. So many of my friends made legitimate, genuine connections there. Devastating that they ended up being sold to match. OKC had plenty of people, but it was apparently the goto for all the nerds. A lot of them use meetup now, but there's really nothing like what it was for nerd/nerd dating.
Second that. I met my partner on OKC 8 years ago, and before I met them I also made lots of connections and had several dates with other people I met via OKC, some of whom I'm still friends with. The site certainly wasn't perfect, all dating sites are straight up self-esteem murderers if you're a heterosexual man, but as far as dating sites go, it was the best I've used because it actually tried to match you with people who shared values with you.
At the same time I was also on tinder, and it was a barren wasteland of boring normies and felt more like a meat market than anything. I never had a meaningful match on there.
The problem is when it works it's despite the algorithm not because of it. It's probably easier for women, as there are more men on dating sites and there are women on dating sites.
I met my wife on Tinder in 2015 ❤️ Met her on my second week.
Women do not want to be approached in public.
We're better off regulating dating apps and predatory buisness practices, because people prefer to use apps.
Women as a whole want different things, and often don't know what they want from moment to moment. In my experience, most women prefer to be approached in public under some circumstances, and what those circumstances are differs wildly from woman to woman.
women ought to have a signal that they are open to being approached, like a PvP flag or something
The thing is, there are signals - open body language, frequent glances around the room, etc.
The tougher bit for some folks is also seeing, and respecting, when they clearly want you to go away, AND not taking it personally. They may want someone to approach them, but for whatever reason not you. That's perfectly OK, and says nothing about your general worth, just their interest at the moment.
Go, initiate contact, and if you're getting one word replies, crossed arms/body facing away from you, refusal to meet eyes, inauthentic laughs, etc., exit cheerfully, move on with your day and let her move on with hers.
The biggest problem I've had women tell me about is not being approached, but guys not taking the hint if it's not clicking and leaving them be. Be the guy who reads the situation, takes the hint if present and doesn't get all fucked up about it, and you'll probably end up talking to someone who does want to talk to you later.
Should note this is often just human stuff, and holds for a lot of guys as well with the caveat that they're often, though not always, more direct.
I remember in college being mildly devastated when a friend I had a thing for was talking about how she just wanted to meet someone that (superficially) seemed a lot like me, but then was not into me.
Of course, in retrospect I realized I'd done that to couple women without realizing what was happening.
Women are human individuals and not a single-minded monolith.
What women universally don't want is to feel threatened, creeped out or objectified. It is perfectly possible to talk to someone without doing any of these. Though it gets a lot easier when you view them as humans.
I said elsewhere that writing a good profile is a skill many people have neither the aptitude nor training for, and thus fuck it all up.
Talking to strangers in public? Also a skill, and I'd say a much more difficult one with much higher stakes.
I've known charismatic sensitive people that can read a scene and chat up people. That's an outlier. Most people are bad at all of that.
also, remember the "man or bear? Definitely the bear" thing from a while ago? Still a thing.
When & who it is/is not appropriate to approach is a totally separate issue from what I'm talking about.
I think the problem has more to do with the expectations of meeting people via dating apps vs organically irl, especially through common interests/activities.
Also, let's be real, regulating Capitalism does not work (look around).
I missed the part where the person your responding to said in public?
Go to meetups, the climbing gym, run clubs, volunteering, language class, literally anywhere you meet people
Hell yeah!
I think I've had like two dates from in-person meets, and if I put effort (without paying) into it I can get like 1-3 dates a week on the apps. I'm not a model or other outlier.
I live in an urban area and put effort into writing messages. The bar for men is really low.
All of that said, fuck the capitalist hellscape.
Quality over quantity, bruv.
I don't think that's really applicable here.
Every date is a roll of the dice and you're hoping for that Yahtzee. Or at least a four of a kind. If you're making four rolls a week you're probably going to find it faster than one a month.
You're also don't have unlimited time. You probably don't want to find your first big love when you're 70, when you could instead find one at 30.
And to be clear, I wouldn't recommend going on a date with just anyone with a pulse. Check your deal breakers and shared interests first.
Of course, you could do app-dates and from-real-life dates at the same time.
This also assumes you, like me, have boundless energy for dates. I know people that are exhausted just leaving their house once.
hey i like your overall points but i need to point out that it's SO much more than "rolling the dice". i do agree that quality over quantity is more important when dating. and that means not just "how good are they" but really "what kind of person are they?"
you may have 3 dates a week via apps, but they're all with people who use dating apps, in a dating app context. not trying to put anyone down, but it's just different than meeting a friend of a friend at game night or something. so to use your dice metaphor, it's more like praying for a nat 20 while rolling d6s.