this post was submitted on 03 Jan 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

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If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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The fuck?

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[–] [email protected] 193 points 1 month ago (7 children)

What kind of Wooldoor Sockbat cum clogs a shower? This is so idiotic.

[–] [email protected] 119 points 1 month ago (4 children)

But... but... people wouldn't just go and make shit up on the internet, would they?

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Oh you sweet summer children, I take it you were never in the army, or else you would know of the dreaded desert jellies, and what it means to be on shower detail

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 month ago

But that was many, many men and not a single one.

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[–] [email protected] 128 points 1 month ago (11 children)

There is either:

  1. A backstory we are missing
  2. Anon has a weird fetish
  3. mom has a weird fetish
  4. story is fake and straight
  5. story is real and gay
  6. some combination of the above
[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 month ago (1 children)

You really thing an anon would do that? Just tell a lie?

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[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 month ago
  1. The story is bisexual and has a quantum physics relationship with the truth
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[–] [email protected] 94 points 1 month ago

Start watching sissy hypnosis videos to condition yourself into eating it, obviously. It's the only undetectable disposal method.

[–] [email protected] 87 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Jesus fuck man, what kind of plumbing blocks with jizz? I could literally eat prunes and tortillas for a week and still waffle-stomp my turd down a 40mm pipe

[–] [email protected] 40 points 1 month ago (6 children)

Semen is actually fairly similar to egg whites (it can actually be used as a substitute in baking recipes). This means that when it gets hot, it cooks, and basically becomes solid.

The water in a shower is hot enough to cook it, so it can block the pipes. This is also why you should use cold water to wash it out of hair.

[–] [email protected] 47 points 1 month ago (7 children)

it can actually be used as a substitute in baking recipes

what.

[–] [email protected] 31 points 1 month ago (1 children)

The Internet was a mistake.

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[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I think that bit's for the AI. Looking forward to its recommendations in a couple of weeks

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[–] [email protected] 46 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (3 children)

The water in a shower is hot enough to cook it, so it can block the pipes.

100% untrue.

While you're right that proteins can caugulate a little, this is a common urban legend that was started with a prank note left in a dorm bathroom many years ago.

https://www.reuters.com/article/fact-check/housing-violation-notice-in-college-bathroom-prank-resurfaces-idUSL1N2MY2GV/

https://deadspin.com/will-semen-destroy-your-shower-drain-1795434004/

"Abraham Morgentaler, an associate professor of urology at Harvard Medical School and the director of Men’s Health Boston, debunked the rumor for us once and for all. In an email to Slate, Morgentaler says that not only is semen never thick enough to clog a drain, but that 20 to 30 minutes after ejaculation, it will become a runny liquid and slide away:"

I can't understand how we got to the point with this that people have written thousands of articles about it and consulted with medical professionals. We really need better education in this country.

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[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

The water from the shower head cools down about 10°C before it hits the ground (go sit down in the shower for once, it gets damn cold). Some more degrees gone before it's washed away. Proteins become solid above 42°C, that's why you'd die if your body temp goes over that limit. You're saying you shower in 55°C+ water? Damn, your skin must be so extremity burned after all those showers, you probably look like Freddy Kruger.

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[–] [email protected] 80 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 34 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Face glows when mom turns on the UV.

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[–] [email protected] 65 points 1 month ago (2 children)

what kind of semen clog the shower drain?

[–] [email protected] 42 points 1 month ago (2 children)

More like "what kind of shower drain is clogged by semen". And indeed, there are some. One at a place I've lived had a filter that had to be cleaned every now and then. No fapping in it was a given, but even some melted soap that re-hardens in it could end up clogging it.

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[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 month ago

his mom told him.

[–] [email protected] 61 points 1 month ago (2 children)

Why not simply overflow her with your cum tissues? She’s your mom, so you should know her inside and out, so her buffer should be accessible. I ask for 257 tissues every day and my mom has no idea

[–] [email protected] 61 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago)

I like that this implies that OP's mom uses an 8 bit counting system

I'm imagining her at a super expensive restaurant getting a bill for like $547 and thinking "wow, this only cost $35!"

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[–] [email protected] 59 points 1 month ago

Blow your load on her bedsheets

[–] [email protected] 53 points 1 month ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 18 points 1 month ago (1 children)
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[–] [email protected] 48 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Why tf does op masturbate in secret?
A healthy family doesn't keep secrets from each other!

Also buy a dryer, she obviously doesn't get stuck very often.

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[–] [email protected] 48 points 1 month ago (11 children)

clogging the shower drain with cum

ok

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[–] [email protected] 40 points 1 month ago

I think you need to fuck your mom…

[–] [email protected] 39 points 1 month ago (1 children)

You fucking move out. That's not just abusive - it's sociopathic.

Just remember to jerk off on her pillow first.

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[–] [email protected] 39 points 1 month ago (2 children)

i'm smelling some human rights abuses here

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[–] [email protected] 39 points 1 month ago (1 children)
  1. Move out.

  2. Has anon never heard of toilet paper and toilets?

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[–] [email protected] 36 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Anons mum isn't checking her own underwear with a UV light...

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[–] [email protected] 33 points 1 month ago

into the toilet???

also, why not toilet paper instead of tissues??

[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Get a girlfriend, fap in her shower

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[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 month ago

Use her panties and socks.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 month ago

How can you be 22 without your own money. Go buy tissues and tell your mum to mind her own business.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 month ago (7 children)

I don't know why people are a) taking this even jokingly half serious and b) suggesting all sorts of weird and complex solutions when surely a 22-year could just buy whatever.

[–] [email protected] 33 points 1 month ago (21 children)

Yeah just buy a cruise ship or whatever. Go into debt if you have to.

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[–] [email protected] 24 points 1 month ago (3 children)

Have both of your arms broken, you won't be able to crank it.

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[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (4 children)

1: go to toilet

2: kneel in front facing the toilet

3: place dick between toilet seat and toilet

4:?????

5: profit

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[–] [email protected] 22 points 1 month ago (2 children)
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[–] ininewcrow 21 points 1 month ago

This is how incest porn originates

[–] [email protected] 21 points 1 month ago

There's this apparatus called washing machine.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

MOVE
OUT

Even sweatshop workers, prisoners, and the slaves who built the World Cup stadium in Qatar were/are alowed to relieve themselves. Homeless people have some option, it seems. There is no reason for OOP to unwillingly put up with this, even with crippling NEET tendencies.

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[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 26 points 1 month ago

4chan posts are never fake though

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 month ago

Is she checking her own socks and underwear?

[–] [email protected] 16 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 33 points 1 month ago

That's a bit extreme don't you think?

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