JD Vance was the thing that made the Pope finally give up on humanity.
this post was submitted on 21 Apr 2025
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the vatican couch was plush
The pope didn’t thank him
Obviously Vance wanted to fuck the Papal seat. The pope tried to explain that he couldn't just let Vance fuck the chair of St Peter. Vance did not like this answer.
He slew two white whales in the same building!
One thing I've learned is never try to beat a couch fucker at his own game
He probably didn't even do it on purpose. But I'm sure he did it.
Rearrange the letters in J.D. Vance and you get VADJECAN
Obviously he was hoping to take his powers.
If he had anything to do with it he probably heated the discussion and yelled at him like a spoiled brat.
He killed the pope then a couple days later started up a Muslim terror attack on Hindus so all the worlds major religions are at war
Homie has a problem with decency and people following the word of Jesus, despite publicly saying he is a Christian.
not just christian. catholic.
in any other age, any other pope, he'd have been excommunicated and maybe put to the auto de fe.
I asked ChatGPT to explain why JD Vance would kill the pope and it cited articles at me to tell me that JD Vance did not, in fact, kill the pope. I even tried to get it to doubt itself and it doubled down. If I have to live in slop world, I should at least be able to have fun with it :(
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He killed him by being near him
Remind some of this
Probably sitting on a couch he found really attractive and got jealous.
I love how this is thread is basically lemmyshitpost lmao
If JD Vance was actually the antichrist/satan it's super funny we greeted his arrival by calling him a couch fucker.
I wonder what couch fucker is in Latin... might make a great shirt
The Pope had this really hot couch and JD fell in love with it at first sight. JD asked the couches father (the Pope) for the couches hand in marriage. The Pope, thinking this was a strange joke, laughed at JD's request. This filled JD with rage so he slit the popes thoat and began fucking the hot sofa.
As he bled out the pope was forced to watch the repeated violent defloration of his favorite piece of furniture.
*loveseat
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Vance is pure evil. Pure evil needs to feed to sustain. In the face of pure evil the pope lost all hope and then Vance fed upon his soul.
There's photo evidence thanks to AI
Same as Liz Truss killing the queen. Sometimes, when you're old and in poor health, you just experience something that makes you think "fuck it, I don't need to put up with this shit anymore."
Lol .... this is it
When you're at the end of your life and hanging on the edge looking for a glimmer of hope .... then you get visited by an absolute tool that is only motivated by greed and power and represents a general apathy for any kind of humanity ...
you just think to yourself, "yeah, nah, this isn't worth it any more"
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Pope didn't say Thank you.
But he did prove the power of prayer
Just want to point out this is what furniture in the Vatican looked like before Pope Francis
And then after Pope Francis
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He's both a subordinate of the Anti-Christ and Russian asset. He was called upon to kill the pope to initiate the Pope election process that they can manipulate in order to get a more "pro-apocalypse" Pope in place.
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I mean I don't think I know Vance killed him. See Trump can make stuff up why can't we.
JD Vance just existed
The pope died of cringe from experiencing Vance's presence.
JD didn't do it on purpose. The most reasonable answer is the Pope accidentally walked on JD in a tender moment with a loveseat. The Pontiff laughed himself to death.
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Because the pope deadnamed him.
James Donald Bowman is a massive cuck and deserves to be reminded off his biological father for as long as people in the USA can't choose which gender they prefer.
Vance is too stupid to kill him, he'd fuck it up for sure. Did you see him drop Ohio State's trophy the other day? The guy is a total fuck up. He'd end up putting the Iocaine Powder in his own tea.
Nah, it was someone in his entourage that did it.
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